Natural brick and other life lessons

If your name is Levi...

2010-12-13T12:55:00.000-08:00

you better be able to pull off a pair of Jeans, right?? :)

December...

2009-12-26T19:45:00.000-08:00

A new job. A new stage. Meal prep. Viruses and stomach bugs. Hosting 14 people for a week between Christmas and New Years. Robot making class for Ben. Art class for Ella. Did I mention meal prep? New playgroup for Levi. School. Homework. Bedtime. Cleanup.

Nothing I do lasts more than 10 minutes. I'm constantly setting up the pins and knocking them down. Over and over again. And yet - my life is full. You'll hear no complaints for me. A little less sleep - a few more memories.

Somedays my life really feels like a 3 ring circus. But I know, when I'm old and gray, and my life is quiet...and slow...and boring - I'll be wishing for all of this back.

What was lost, now is found! Well, sort of...

2009-10-29T16:55:00.000-07:00

So, I couldn't let this memory fade, and even though some of you may question my husband's judgement by the end of this post - I assure you that he is a wonderful man and if I had it to do over again - to pick the man of my dreams, the father of my children, the love of my life...I'd pick him. Knowing what I know, knowing all the good and bad, has given me greater confidence in my choice. That being said...

We'd written off the pacifier. Or so I thought. We'd gotten through 1 night and 2 naps without it, and were well on our way to "weaning". Ella, being the very observant girl that she is - found it in the leaves, next to where we park our car each day when we go to school. It was in the state you see above, crushed by a car, presumably our own. She was so delighted that she'd found it. As I squealed in excitement for her, I promptly hid it in one of our car cup holders before Levi could see it. We'd gotten this far, and I wasn't going back. AND - what kind of parent would give a child a pacifier in that state?? I went off to work before Steve got home that night, and had forgotten all about the pacifier.

Fast forward to the next morning. I awoke to Steve rattling around in the wee hours as he headed off to work (via a long run). I shushed him stating "Please be quiet - Levi is waking up more easily since he doesn't have the pacifier." At this point, my husband's exact words are a blur because it was around 5:30 in the morning and I wasn't thinking very clearly. However, he informs me of the good news that Ella found the pacifier and he had gone down very easily the night before. It took me a minute to realize that those things were related. "YOU GAVE IT TO HIM??" I could hardly believe what I was hearing....Yep. Steve gave him the pacifier. When I asked if he'd noticed that it had been run over by a car he said, (and this is a direct quote) "Levi didn't care."

All I have to say - it's a good thing our adoption is final as I post this for the world to see. Our finalization could have gone something like this..."Levi, you're now a Gerrard. Best of luck, kid."

Mom stepped out

2009-10-29T16:46:00.000-07:00

What big brothers do to little brothers - when mom isn't looking...

My Ebenezer

2009-10-26T09:29:00.000-07:00

This is one of those weeks for me that is dependant on everything going perfectly - that I don't have anyone wake up ill, that I don't have major inconvenience interrupts my day, and that despite my inability to stream two thoughts together, I remain focused. (I can already hear some of you laughing...) I know, I know. I have 3 kids, am working part time, live in a place where we've already had our first snow before Halloween, and a very full life - but somehow my sanity hinges without a contingency plan.

Well, it's already Monday and we've had our first money wrench in that plan. I realized, come nap time, that my pacifier-loving son has lost, what we now know to be his "last" pacifier. We know that it is his last because up until now, he's been unwilling to accept any pacifier except for the type he came home from Korea with. And those are at least a mail order away...but it's now gone, probably in the parking lot with all the other items that drop out of people's cars when they are wrestling their kids out to do those dreaded errands...

When I realized this, I was in a panic. I kept thinking "I don't have time for this. I really don't have time for this. Not today." And I kept praying that the pacifier would turn up. I put Levi down at about 11:40 a.m. without the pacifier. We did the whole naptime routine and when I put him in his crib - he looked at me like, "Uh, I think you are missing something...." I tried explaining to my 18 month old that the pacifier was gone. "There's no pacifier," I said. "The pacifier when bye-bye." I left and of course - the tears reverberated throughout the house. I kept looking for that pacifier. I couldn't let it go - I wasn't ready for this...it's just not the "right" time. The wailing from upstairs was a constant reminder of the loss and the task that neither of us felt prepared for. By the time I went upstairs to comfort my child - we were both in tears. I laid him in bed and began to stroke his face. He quieted - but all I could think about was "How long is this going to take? I could be in here forever and I have so much to do!" Once I began stroking his face and head - the crying stopped. Well, his at least...mine only flowed faster. All at once, I realized who pays the price when I can keep my "I don't have time for this" in check. I can only see what is not done on my (impossible) checklist and how much I have to do to meet the next deadline. I'm like a tornado and anything in my way is forced to move or be destroyed. Slowly, I began to see this precious moment as a gift and not the burden I'd once been feeling. As Levi started to drift to sleep and was no longer dependant on my touch - I dropped to my knees and cried to God. I sat there, not knowing what to ask for, or how to "fix" this most recent crisis of the missing pacifier. Just moments before I had prayed of it's miraculous find - but I no longer thought would be the right answer. Maybe I need to find out what is on the other side of quick fix. I listened to the music playing and the words were from Psalm 46:1-2. "God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear though the earth give way, and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea..." When I lifted my eyes open - I saw a peaceful, sleeping baby in front of me and was thankful that I wasn't allowed the easy way out. I know there are still many hurdles ahead of me - but I've learned my lesson...sometimes its in our troubles that we see an ever-present God emerge, giving us peace and enough strength to get through the next hour, the next day, or at least until dinner... :)

"Ebenezer", literally translated means "Stone of help". In 1 Samuel, after the Israelites finally defeated the Philistines, and took back the Ark of the Covenant - Samuel commemorated the victorious battle, by setting up a marker-stone, by naming it "Stone of Help," where God’s miraculous help aided them in their victory over the Philistines. An "Ebenezer" is a reminder of God's real presence and divine help in our lives. For many people, a bible or a cross serves as that reminder. For me, it is this blog. Each "memory" I compile in writing reminds me that God is my "ever present help in trouble." I don't want to forget what I've learned today. I don't want to forget how low the lows are - they help me to realize how needy I really am. And I don't want to forget how quickly and steadfastly the help comes when I ask.

Here I raise my Ebenezer to all of you - and thank God that his help comes at the right time and in just the right way... What is your "Ebenezer?" - I'd love to hear...

Pictures...

2009-10-21T16:17:00.000-07:00

Let the housework go and the emails pile up - I need to blog!

2009-10-21T09:51:00.000-07:00

To my faithful blog followers. I apologize...I have let you down. But - I'm back and I assure you that much life has been lived in the last couple of months. We've captured many memories, but not many photos, we've started back to school and I've landed a new job that has me working about 20 hours per week. So, we've been...adjusting...

But I'm back and I'm hoping it will stick. First, a couple of updates:

a) My job - it's fantastic, I love it, and I'm challenged in a way I haven't been in a long time. My brain might not rot away after all! ;) I'm a credit and debt counselor for an agency in MA. (www.consumercredit.com) It's non profit, and I have the privilege of giving people (sometimes hard) truth about their finances. To know me is to know that this is a perfect fit for me. I'm blessed yet again!

b) Levi - What a kid! He's a great, spunky soul who continues to be a joy in our lives. We are finalizing his adoption on Tues, 10/27/2009. It is the last step in a wonderful, winding journey and we are thrilled that everything will be "official", though it's been official in our hearts for a long time. Today, we celebrate 1 year since we signed the first paperwork to bring Levi home. What a ride - what a year - what a joy. I could never, never have imagined that so many blessing would be possible in one lifetime...

c) Ella - She went short! (her hair that is...) It's adorable - SHE'S adorable! I'll try to take pics soon and post them. She recently had to do some homework for school and it was an "observation of a leaf". In the assignment, it asked how the leaf "smelled". Admittedly, it's on odd question. But when I was looking over her work and saw what she filled in, I laughed out loud. "Like a hot dog." was her answer. Recently, she also went to Build A Bear for a birthday party and while all the other little girls came skipping out with bears and bunnies they'd made, out walks Ella - with a TURKEY under her arm. That's my girl - so sweet, so interesting, and not afraid to be a non conformist.

d) Ben - if you are looking for Ben, it's best to start at the Lego table. It's usually where we find him. However, over the last few weeks, we've discoved (with a little work and suggestions from friends) that Ben loves to read! These days, he starts his day by coming downstairs after getting dressed to indulge in his newest love - and we are having trouble keeping up with the library visits! He has been an incredible big brother to Levi - in ways we couldn't have imagined before Levi's homecoming. Each Friday night, Levi has been reluctant to go to the childcare provided by our small group. So, we've commissed Ben (with a very small money incentive) to chase after Levi for those couple of hours. He plays trains, and cars, gives him snacks (he's found candy works well!) and Levi LOVES it! They have a couple of matching shirts, and they love wearing them. It's just amazing to think that these boys didn't know each other 1 year ago and now they are best buds.

e) Generally, we are doing great! We hard our first snow, and the kids went outside and relished in it while the grown ups moaned at the thought of another winter. Oh - to be a kid again!

I'll leave you with a picture of Levi and I enjoying that "snow" and his very fluffy coat. I'll update very soon with a few more pictures of the kids...

Camping - we made it!

2009-07-20T19:08:00.001-07:00

First, and foremost, Steve is doing really, really well. By Saturday a.m. he was feeling good enough to be bummed he wasn't camping with us. He's on a three-week course of antibiotics with a good chance of making a full recovery. We missed him very much, but I'm also glad to report that by mid day on Saturday, I'd already decided our trip was worth the obvious obstacles! We really had a blast.

I took my camera camping, but as you can imagine, I didn't get many photos - you're looking at most of them! I was too busy trying to keep everyone...alive!

But, some highlights:

Jumping rope: we went all the way to the Adirondacks to learn that Ben and Ella both love to jump rope - go figure!
Pitching a tent in the rain: nothing beats the feeling of arriving at dusk when it is pouring rain and thinking "I wonder if we can sleep in the car...?"
Junk Food: Smores, Popcorn, Burgers, candy, chips, dips...mmm...it was all good.
Our Hike: We took a mile hike to the Kane Mtn. Fire tower. It must have been The views were spectacular and I got a lot of prayer time climbing that tower, praying that all the kids I was responsible for would make it safely down. Levi rode in the backpack and loved the adventure!
My kids were simply amazing: I couldn't have asked for a better weekend.
My 11 year old friend, E, had me laughing, crying (in a good way), and sitting back amazed. J & K - you should be very, very proud of your daughter. She made this trip wonderful in every way. You've done a marvelous job - she's a delight.
Levi stuffing Mike & Ikes in his mouth: He has a bit of a sweet tooth, and found the box while the rest of us were busy packing up. We'd blocked him into the car to keep him safe, which wasn't hard with the amount of stuff we had packed! When we went to check on him, he'd crawled into his carseat, with the box of mike & Ikes in hand and was stuffing them in before we noticed. We couldn't stop laughing - it was the perfect ending to a wonderful trip.

We missed you Steve, but I think I need to bring E with us every year! And Levi thinks we should always bring Mike & Ikes! :)

Sharing

2009-07-20T18:37:00.000-07:00

Sharing (v): What emerges when you only have two popsicles, and three kids.

Care for a Lyme?

2009-07-20T17:40:00.000-07:00

I woke up last Wed morning to Steve telling me he'd been awake all night with what seemed like a fever. He had chills and was generally pretty "flu-like". After telling me this he said, "I think I have Lyme's disease." Being the very compassionate wife that I am, I assumed that he was jumping (or leaping, rather) to conclusions. However, I also know that he had a lengthy discussion with someone at our family camp 2 weeks prior - who talked about their daughter's battle with Lyme's disease. Hmm....

By 6 a.m., he got out of bed, turned on the shower and came back a few minutes later to show me a bite on his waist. It looked like a nasty bug bite - and he kept asking me "what does this look like to you?" Too tired to even see strait, I replied (again, my compassion is overwhelming)"I don't know - I'm not a doctor or a nurse!" Steve went on with his morning and headed out of town on business overnight. When I talked to him that evening, things hadn't changed much, and he headed to bed early. To be honest, I didn't think about it much...as I had been feeling a little run down a few days prior and thought we must have had a bug.

Steve came home Thursday night, to a family of kids excited to go camping the next day. I was exhausted from packing, and we still had more to do. (Don't you just love that about camping? Two days away takes 3 days of packing!!) Steve had taken Friday off to go with us to the Adirondacks to meet friends and to camp for the weekend. But when he came home Thursday night and showed me the rash, I became more convinced that maybe Steve really did have Lyme's disease. After calls to the dr., he went on a antibiotic, we packed up the car, and he went to bed. I was convinced that this antibiotic (that came in TWO pills, mind you) would have my husband feeling like a happy camper by morning.

As you've probably guessed, the next morning - Steve felt awful. He took his temperature and was convinced that there was something wrong with the thermometer when it read 103. I knew, very quickly that we'd either be staying home or camping without Steve. We weren't planning on leaving until afternoon, but when I told the kids that daddy was sick - they were immediately concerned that we couldn't go camping. Steve encouraged me to go without him - but could I do it? The kids were desperate for me to say "yes", and in a moment of weakness - I did. At about 8:15 a.m. I put a call into my friend, who has a lovely responsible, 11 year old daughter that is loved by my whole family. I felt like I was a kid again asking if she could "come camping with us." By 10 a.m. - her mom had called back to say that she was willing! I almost cried! Of course my friends who were meeting us were more than willing to help, but they have 3 kids of their own and I thought another pair of hands would be helpful.

And this, my friends, is how I ended up taking 3 kids camping solo (with the support of friends, of course)! More later about how Steve is doing and pitching tents in the rain...

Overheard

2009-07-14T15:57:00.000-07:00

As Ben and Ella played "This little Piggie" with Levi:

"This little Piggie went to the Korean Market.
This little Piggie stayed home.
This little Piggie had Kimchi.
This little Piggie had none.
And this little Piggie went wee-wee-wee all the way to his mommy!"

Lots of new...

2009-07-08T16:47:00.000-07:00

What's new for us you ask??? Let me tell you!

Summer's started (or so they tell us - the weather's been terrible!)
We were able to go away for a week to Pittsfield, MA to enjoy a "family camp". The kids loved it. Our favorite night was the square dancing. (Pictures at the link below - there were SO many!)
I'm dusting off the 'ol resume to do some job searching...I'm just looking to see what is out there. Got one call and doing a "screening" tomorrow. I forgot how awful job searching really is...
We are done with baseball and on to swimming and camp. We are having a "groundhogs day" type summer, with usually down time in the a.m. and pond with swimming lessons in the afternoon...(which I suspect the kids really love). When my girlfriend was driving our kids home from VBS she heard her daughter tell Ella that she had a play date. Ella said "Why do you want a play date when you could go home?" Those are the kinds of kids I have... :)
Ok...less talk, more photos! Enjoy!

1 day, 2 lost teeth

2009-06-23T13:39:00.000-07:00

We were so excited when Ella came to us after church and said "I have good news! I lost a tooth!" Yeah-Yipee-Hooray!

Again, at dinner, I saw Ella's front tooth hanging by a thread, I reached in and gave a good tug. Out it came.

And that is the story of how Ella lost 2 teeth in a single day... Naturally.

Full

2009-06-18T11:40:00.001-07:00

Today, with a packed freezer and fridge, I couldn't find anything for lunch - literally.

Grill Menu #3: Skewered Chicken and Red Onion

2009-06-17T20:55:00.000-07:00

Skewered Chicken and Red Onion

1/2 c. Red Wine Vinegar
1 garlic clove, minced
1 1/2 tsp. salt
1T + 1 tsp. honey
2T olive oil
fresh pepper
8 boneless, skinless chicken thighs, cut into 3 pieces each
1 lg. red onion cut in 8 wedges, root left intact

Stir together first 6 ingredients. Add chicken and onion to marinade. Stand at room temperature tossing occasionally for 15 minutes (or I sometimes do all day or overnight in fridge).
Transfer chicken and onion onto 8 skewers.

For oven: Preheat oven to 375. Transfer skewers of chicken & onion to a nonreactive dish. Drizzle with marinade. Bake for 35 - 40 minutes. (I finish under broiler to brown.)
For grill: Grill over medium heat, turning 1/2 way through. About 16 - 18 minutes total.

**Angie's notes: I bought several packages of boneless skinless chicken thighs to make at least 3 batches of these over the next 6 weeks. Unlike most meats, I do not marinade these before putting them in the freezer, largely because I purchased the thighs that are already portioned and vacuumed sealed. And it only takes 15 minutes to marinade. I usually grill these, and its a nice, simple meal. We love grilled veggies or a green salad with this and I purchased some oven baked sweet potato fries at BJ's that are frozen and can be baked.

Hands off dinner #2: Tex-Mex Fiesta Casserole

2009-06-17T20:43:00.000-07:00

Tex-Mex Fiesta Casserole

6 servings

40 min 20 min prep

16	ounces lean ground turkey or beef
1/2	teaspoon instant minced garlic
1/2	cup onions, diced
1/2	cup green bell peppers, diced
1/2	cup chunky salsa
2	teaspoons chili seasoning mix
1 3/4	cups tomato sauce (15 ounce can)
1/4	cup reduced sodium ketchup
1	cup frozen whole kernel corn, thawed
2	cups cooked rice, hot
3/4	cup low-fat cheddar cheese, shredded (3 oz.)

Preheat oven to 375 degrees.
Spray an 8-by-8-inch baking dish with cooking spray.
In a large skillet sprayed with cooking spray, brown meat, garlic, onion and green pepper.
Add salsa, chili seasoning, tomato sauce and ketchup.
Mix well to combine.
Stir in corn, rice and cheddar cheese.
Pour mixture into prepared baking dish.
Bake for 20 minutes.
Place baking dish on a wire rack and let set for 5 minutes.
Divide into 6 servings.
HINT: 1 1/3 cups uncooked rice usually cooks to about 2 cups.

**Angie's notes: This is a family standard. It's taco like in nature, but not so much table-work! I'll be making 3 batches of these in one sitting. We'll eat the first one right away because once Ben sees that I'm cooking it - he'd be heartbroken to hear he has to wait. (What can I say - the boy LOVES it!?) The other two additional 8x8 pans will be frozen. Once I've done that - I'll have 2 more instant meals to feed our family! You can either thaw first (and add 10 minutes to the baking time to account for the chill) or cook from frozen (double the cooking time at least!). Whatever you do - don't stir. There is no need to, and it will become porridge-like in consistency. We like to add lettuce, sour cream and salsa and eat it with tortilla chips.

Hands off dinner #1: Crock Pot Pulled-Pork (or chicken!) Fajitas

2009-06-17T20:33:00.000-07:00

Crock Pot Pulled-Pork Fajitas

Ingredients

2 1/2 lbs boneless pork loin roast
1 medium onion, thinly sliced
2 cups barbecue sauce
3/4 cup salsa
3 tablespoons chili powder
1 tablespoon Mexican seasoning
9 flour tortillas

Directions

Trim off excess fat from pork.

Place pork in slow cooker and place onions on top of roast.

Mix remaining ingredients together except tortillas; pour over pork.

cover and cook on low heat setting 8 to 10 hours or until pork is very tender.

Remove pork; place on large platter or cutting board and pull pork apart.

Place pork in serving bowl and pour sauce on top.

Spoon filling into tortillas and roll up.

**Angie's notes: We LOVE this dish. I've made it with both pork and boneless, skinless chicken breasts. You can use the meat with tortillas, buns or on a salad - it's very versitile. We'll be eating the chicken version with tortillas, sour cream, a little extra salsa and lettuce. I usually make a "salad" out of mine and cut out the tortilla carbs. I will be making a double batch (just over double, actually) and will freeze the leftovers into 2 containers for future meals. Please consider that the meat will cook down a lot, and that each Crock Pot varies in cooking time. It will fall apart when it is ready.

Grill Menu #2: Molasses Coffee Marinated Pork Chops

2009-06-17T20:25:00.000-07:00

Molasses Coffee Marinated Pork Chops (Alton Brown, 2009, foodtv.com)

1cup cool strong coffee
6 ounces molasses, by weight
2 tablespoons apple cider vinegar
1 tablespoon Dijon mustard
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 teaspoon kosher salt
1/2 teaspoon ground ginger
6 to 8 sprigs fresh thyme
1/2 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
4 (6 to 8-ounce) bone-in, 1-inch thick pork chops

Directions

Place all of the ingredients into a 1-gallon zip top bag, seal, and shake to combine. Place in the refrigerator to marinate for at least 2 hours or up to overnight.

Preheat grill to medium-high.

Remove the pork chops from the marinade. Transfer the marinade to a small saucepan and place over high heat. Bring to a boil, reduce heat to medium-high, and boil gently, stirring often, until reduced to about 1/2 cup liquid, 12 to 15 minutes. Remove the thyme stems after the glaze has reduced. Meanwhile, grill pork chops 3 to 4 minutes per side or until they reach an internal temperature of 145 degrees F. Allow the pork chops to rest 4 to 5 minutes before serving with the glaze.

**Angie's Notes: If you purchase these items, but don't intend to consume them right away, mix up the marinade in a freezer ziploc bag, add the meat and toss it into the freezer. Remove it from the freezer and put it in the fridge at least 24 hours prior to cooking. As it thaws, the marinade with do it's job and you'll come home to ready-to-grill meat! We'll be adding rice to this dish to soak up that yummy glaze and a salad to round out the meal. Wishing I had enough for a double batch...mmm....

Grill Menu #1: Smoked Sausage Spicy Kebobs

2009-06-17T20:17:00.000-07:00

Smoked Sausage Spicy Kebobs

1 lb. Smoked Sausage, sliced 1" thick
1 8 - oz. bottle of Italian salad dressing

Fresh vegetables such as:
1 bell pepper, cut into 1 1/2" pieces
2 ears of corn, broken into thirds
6 cherry tomatoes
3 new potatoes, halved
2 zucchinis, sliced 1" thick
6 large mushrooms

Directions:
Build skewers alternating sausage and vegetables
Dip the kebobs into salad dressing.
Grill or broil for 4 minutes each side, basting frequently with remaining salad dressing.
If using corn or potatoes, tenderize in boiling water for 3 - 5 minutes before building skewers.

**Angie's notes: Our kebobs have sausage, bell peppers, tomatoes, zucchini and musrooms. Instead of doing the corn and potatoes, I opted to purchase frozen potatoes from BJ's and bake them off while the kebobs cook.

Insanity challenge, Part 1

2009-06-17T19:06:00.001-07:00

The sole purpose of this post is to convince you that I am totally and utterly crazy. I'm just putting that up front. Please continue...

As the summer approaches, I'm a little daunted by the task of taking my own three kids, plus any that I'm babysitting to the grocery store. When I contemplate this, I see lots of chaos management, impulse buying and stressful "I'm never doing that again" in my future . So - I had a much more manageable idea...why not shop for the ENTIRE summer? Right? Or at least cut it down to 2 major market runs for the whole summer -once before it began and once in the middle? At first I was joking, but it eventually evolved into a challenge... Could I purchase at least the basics for June and July, thereby allowing me to make it into August before having to do a major grocery run? And so, it began.

Follow me through the next few blog posts and you can see how (or if!) I accomplish this task. For those of you who want to give it a try - I'm including the nitty-gritty details. I'm breaking the tasks into 3 or 4 step intervals (it's confusing - even to me!) and following with blogs containing the recipes mentioned. BEWARE: if you are not a meat lover, these posts may not be for you. I'm not certain I know how to make meals without some kind of meat since I come from a die-hard "meat & potatoes" kind of family. Consider yourselves forewarned, though I think the same principles will apply.

1) First, you need to make a list of everything in your freezer that you want to use. Anything that is "main dish" appropriate is fair game. Do not include breads, bagels, or other non-staple foods in this list. For me, this included 9 b/s chicken breasts, 6 b/s chicken thighs, 4 pork chops, 1 package of hot smoked sausage, 3 lbs. ground beef, and a container of taco meat (prepared already).

2) Find recipe online, in cookbooks, or use old standards with the freezer contents. I like using foodtv.com, or you can perform a google search on your particular ingredient. I like using site that allow users to rate the recipe. I usually choose a recipe that sounds good AND has multiple high ratings. Be sure to scan the comments because sometimes they can come up with some good tips on substitutions or omissions. I like to keep all the recipes in one place - which means once you find the recipe, print it out (or copy it) and put it in sheet protectors in a 1" 3 ring binder. As my recipes have stockpiled, I just move the ones I'm using toward the front. I decided to make tacos (easily decided with the prepared taco meat), Pulled Chicken Fajitas with the chicken breasts (FREEZABLE - divided into 3 meals), Grilled chicken and Red Onion skewers, Molasses Coffee Marinated Pork Chops (a new one for us), smoked sausage kabobs*, and tex-mex casserole (a family favorite - tripled and frozen to make 3 meals). Consider this - do all of you dishes require fresh produce that could go bad if not used up quickly? If so, swap them for recipes that are largely pantry/freezer based items and make sure that you put the fresh ingredient meal towards the front of your list (noted in my list by an *). You can then add salad or grilled veggies to your meals, and those minor shopping trips will just include perishables like milk and some produce.

3) Make a shopping list of the ingredients from those recipes that you don't have on hand. I shop at BJ's (wholesale club), Stop and Shop (grocery), and Trader Joe's (specialty store), so I keep 3 lists and add the item to the most appropriate list. Important: If you are uncertain where to add it - add it to all the lists of the stores you want to check. You'll probably remember if you've already purchased it, but you likely won't remember to add it if another store doesn't care that item.

Easy enough - right? The recipes I'm making this summer are a combination of oven ready (casseroles), grilled dishes and kid friendly favorites, like tacos. I didn't, for some reason, include fish in this menu, but we love fish and will be sure to include it in our next batch! Recipes mentioned above follow in separate posts.

At least it's something

2009-06-07T18:16:00.000-07:00

http://hubpages.com/t/92eaf

I heard of hubpages a few days ago, and to be honest...I'm still a little confused. But - if something is better than nothing, I'm on track.

Back to my writing roots

2009-06-05T20:05:00.000-07:00

When I was in high school, I began to think about "what I wanted to be when I grew up". For many, this process begins much earlier, but I never had any skills rise to the top. (It's the old "Jack of all trades, master of none" coming into play). However, in high school, I began to find my niche in writing. In it, I found a freedom that I hadn't found before...a sense of discovery and learning that I was excited about. As I entered college, I naturally gravitated towards an English major, but quickly realized that I didn't have passions (or skill, frankly) in grammar and Shakespeare and all that an English degree requires. While I loved writing, I drifted back and forth in my studies. After going through several potential career options, moving to the state of Massachusetts, transferring colleges and meeting the love of my life, I finally landed at Framingham State College in the Family and Consumer Science Department(say whaaat?). Though, it's really a fancy name for Home Economics, Wikipedia describes it as this: "Family and consumer sciences deals with the relationship between individuals, families, and communities, and the environment in which they live. The field represents many disciplines including consumer science, nutrition, parenting, family economics and resource management, human development, interior design, textiles, apparel design, as well as other related subjects."

It's funny - but that is exactly what I studied. I got to take courses on cooking, fashion, nutrition, and family financial decision making - A little of this, and a little of that. Quite frankly, I loved every class I took! But the problem is, it didn't really offer me a real career direction. So after I graduated, I just got married and had babies. (Ironically, I'm one of the few SAHMs that uses my degree!) Because I need to earn some kind of income to keep our family afloat, I've resorted to a life of preschool teaching, babysitting, and part time ministry. But I keep finding a way to write, because it is my first love. (And cheaper than therapy!)

After spending 13 years in children's ministry, a genuine love of mine, I'm ready for a new challenge. So, I'm giving over my position to someone who will be embarking on an amazing journey, and I'm ready to re-engage my love for writing. The timing is a bit strange to me, but sometimes you just know when its time to move on. I don't have any real expertise, or any set goals, and...um...I don't know a whole lot, quite honestly. But, I need to open this door because its a nagging feeling in me I just can't shake.

As I've begun the research I can only say one thing: I'm overwhelmed. I'm not sure where to even begin or what questions to ask. And let's face it - I'm still deeply in the "at home with young kids" phase of my life. But, after all my web browsing tonight, I was left with one clear direction: I need to blog. Whatever challenges I have breaking into the world of writing, I just need to do what I know - and that is write.

At a loss for words.

2009-05-27T17:33:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, you just have to pick your battles...

Levi's one year photos

2009-05-27T17:23:00.001-07:00

Ellaspeak

2009-05-17T17:32:00.001-07:00

Ella has always made us laugh when she talks. She coined our family phrase: "What the heck in the world!?"

Today I overheard her singing from the sound of music.

So long, farewell, I'll see you some, goodnight. I do, I do, to you and you and you...

Photos of us at her Kindergarten Author's Breakfast. The school year is winding down...how did it go by so fast??

We're home

2009-05-17T17:24:00.000-07:00

California Tallies:
TWO LAA vs. the sox games (both losses for the sox, one after 12 innings).
One unbelievable Fillet Mignon - that I couldn't finish.
Many walks by the Ocean.
One horrific plane ride to CA (don't ask!)
One wonderful flight home (thanks to a godsend of a flight agent who got us a seat for Levi)
Four mornings up between 4:30 - 5:30 a.m.
One dinner at Kari's parents - good food and lots of laughter
Lots of hours hanging, talking, laughing
One run to Trader Joes. Seems I can't live without them anywhere!
Three, maybe four cats to entertain Levi.
Lots and Lots of memories!

Away

2009-05-12T08:17:00.001-07:00

Headed to California today with Levi. Using airline credit to see a very good friend. We have sox/angels tickets for Thurs. Back in a few days with lots of good photos and great memories...

We did it!

2009-05-12T08:01:00.001-07:00

We walked ALL of the 20 miles. I started, my family joined in and Steve finished it up! There ended up being buses to take us to the finish line at every checkpoint, so meeting up ended up being quite easy. The best news is that, after all the tallies are in - we collected $504 to fight hunger in Massachusetts. One of the things we liked the most about our walk is that there are signs all along the route that teach us more about Project Bread and about the work that they do. Here is what we learned...Through project Bread, $100 provides 5 families with groceries for a week! $50 buys 250 lbs of food for local soup kitchens to feed hungry people. We were shocked to realize that YOUR $500 will supply 25 families with groceries for a week OR will buy 2500lbs of food (THAT'S OVER ONE TON) for soup kitchens across MA. Great work on helping us meet and exceed our goals. Our kids are ready to walk next year and would love friends to join us! :)

We enjoyed some time on the Boston Common (including ICE CREAM) after our walk. It was a wonderful day! (And thankfully the weather was perfect!)

Also - check out the T-shirts! We got such rave reviews on them throughout the walk and after the race! Our family had a lot of fun tie dying them and adding our family logo!

Sometimes life is just funny...

2009-04-20T19:56:00.000-07:00

I had someone run across my blog about the Walk for Hunger who wanted to help us get it published in the local newspaper. She asked for my permission. I said yes. And about a week later - we found it in the Natick Tab. I couldn't find it online, but I scanned it in for you to see. You probably won't be able to read it from this scan, but it's as close to being "published" as I've come thus far. And - despite our crazy busy lives, we've collected $150 for the Walk - I'm sure we owe a lot of that to this article. We've reset our goal to $200, and we don't walk until 5/3, so you still have time to send it in! Our kids are loving this more than I could have expected. Thank you for helping them to learn such a valuable life lesson!

April 17th - Levi's Tol

2009-04-20T19:03:00.001-07:00

Our family photo

Mini cake...

For the rest of us.

Edamame salad (I'd intended to photograph more beautiful Korean food, but this is all I made it to for pictures - however, the food was quite yummy!)

Handsome in a handbok

The Tojabee Event:
In this event, the birthday child goes around the table and picks up items that attract him or her. The child's future is predicted according to the what he grabs. After placing the child in front of the table, the first and second items the child grabs are considered the most important.

A knife is the winner! It means "The child will be a good cook!" And mommy couldn't be happier about that! :)

A close second was the jujube (red dates) meaning "you will have lots of descendants".

Juliette & Levi
Waiting for our American tradition - cake!
Singing Happy Birthday.

A little help is needed for blowing.

Ooo...cake?

A little help from Ben. What are big brothers for, if not for teaching you how to stuff your face!

April 15th

2009-04-20T18:53:00.000-07:00

No cake yet...until the party!

But ice cream is the next best thing.

Ella, Mommy, and the birthday boy.

In the clear...(for now)

2009-04-14T13:12:00.000-07:00

Levi is doing great! Our VCUG and ultrasound yesterday were a "piece of cake" compared to some of the test we had to do when he was sick. We are so thankful. The even better news is they saw NOTHING concerning on either of his tests. YEA! More tomorrow, on April 15th as we celebrate Levi's First birthday!

You need a date??

2009-04-12T17:28:00.001-07:00

So - I realized after some great feedback on our walk that many of you were wondering when we are doing this walk!? Oops! In all my excitement, I forgot to mention that we are walking:

Sunday, May 3rd

Anything else I left out??

The Power of One

2009-04-09T12:13:00.000-07:00

This will be my third year participating in Boston's Walk for Hunger! It is a 20 mile walk through Boston and it's suburbs. I started doing it because I enjoy the walk and the city "tour". But the walk raises money for Project Bread - the states leading antihunger organization. Money raised through The Walk for Hunger funds more than 400 food pantries, soup kitchens, food banks, and food salvage programs in 128 communities across Massachusetts, including our ownn here in Natick!

This year, we are trying something a little different. Some might argue that we are doing something a little crazy. We can't disagree. Steve, Ben, Ella, Levi and I will be walking as "Team Gerrard". While we are not walking all of the 20 mile course together (that would be crazy), our hope is to combine our efforts to complete 20 miles and cross the finish line together. We want our kids to know that even one person (or family) can make a big difference.

We know that times are hard and many of us have been struck by this bad economy. However, we also know that even one person can make a big difference. Sometimes it feels like our efforts are so insignificant when we see them on the small scale. Think about it - When you are trying to loose weight, would you expect to see huge results immediately? No! It comes off one pound at a time. When we are trying to save for a big expense, we don't wait to have a pile of money to start - we save it $1 at a time. So - we are asking everyone we know to contribute one dollar. Just one. We have a giant money jar (photo above) that we'll but putting it in. Our hope is to collect at least $100 for this great cause. With this project, our kids will be able to tangibly see that lots of "ones" can really add up! Will you help us? If you want to help, please send me an email at gerrard.angela@gmail.com and I will send you our mailing address. We hope to collect dollars from friends at the playground, at church, at the workplace - everywhere, so if you are local, just look for us around. :)

We look forward to walking together to help fight hunger. We hope that you will join us! Stay tuned to the blog when we unveil our WFH family T-shirt! Steve it designing it, so it is BOUND to be a hoot! :)

Also, if you are interested in donating to our Walk for Hunger (beyond the $1), please visit my walk webpage here where you will be able to donate via credit card. For more information on other ways to help, please email me! I'd love to tell you about it.

Levi...

2009-04-08T19:34:00.000-07:00

Hello all,

For those of you who follow...Levi is lookin' a lot better! He's back to his normal, happy self. However...the doctor has deemed antibiotics for 7 more days and more tests on Monday, April 13th. He turns one on Wed. next week! So, we are happy to get it out of the way before his birthday - but I hear the tests he's having done are not so fun. (To say the least.) We are headed to Children's Hospital in Waltham. They will do an ultrasound of the kidneys (to check for blockage), and a VCUG to check for reflux in the urinary track. I won't even pretend I know what either of those things are! However, I will keep you posted...we are hoping it was just a fluke!

On a positive note, these photos are of bulbs popping through the ground in our front yard. Dear friends of mine surprised me in the fall, and came over to plant them with hopes that by the time we saw them peeking though, we'd be loving our time with Levi as well. Don't I have the most amazing friends??

Stuck

2009-04-05T07:52:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I debated about wheter or not I should share this, but frankly, it's a very good story.

Picture this: It was a cool, rainy Saturday morning - not spectacularly awful, but we were moving slowly... It was about 8 a.m. and I had just gotten into the shower and Steve was downstairs with the three kids. I heard Levi screaming downstairs in a way that I hadn't heard him before. He tends to cry vigorously at most things, so I wasn't panicked, but decided to give the "shout out" just in case. I climb out of the shower, open the bathroom door and yell "Is everything ok?" To which my husband replied "I need help!" Uh...ok...I shut off the shower, wrap the towel tighter around me and run, soaking wet downstairs. When I find Steve and all 3 kids in the office I wonder why Levi is crying. And then I see why. His head is stuck in the elliptical. He wasn't in danger - just totally stuck with no way out. Umm...and how did this happen? Steve told me that he had been on the computer, and Ben and Levi were crawling around. Ben calmly said to Steve "Levi's head is stuck." And Levi, upon realizing that it was really stuck started freaking out. At this point I ran upstairs to put real clothes on, and when I returned, I started comforting Levi while Steve ran to get tools. Yes, tools. He was REALLY stuck. I told Steve I was going to call 911 because I wasn't sure we'd be able to get him out of this ourselves and Levi had been stuck for 10 minutes or more and was pretty frantic. When I explained to the operator what was going on I just said me might need "a little help."

Steve found the tools he needed and quickly got to work! Just as he was unscrewing the last bolt, every firetruck, ambulance, and police vehicle in metrowest pulled up to our house. No less than a dozen men in uniform came blasting in our door. Turns out you can't just ask for a "little help." (As a side note: Ben and Ella were very brave, opening the door, getting pacifiers and popsicles and remaining calm. However, the rest of their day was imaginary play involving 911 emergencies!)

Despite our obvious embarrassment, one of the men helped Steve pull apart the elliptical and Levi was free! Relief...embarrasment...gratitude...you know, a typical Saturday morning. :) Levi, I'm happy to report, is doing just fine. However, I guess that means Steve and I are out of the running for the "Parents of the Year" award. Bummer.

Grafted in...

2009-04-05T07:00:00.000-07:00

My dearest Levi,

When I think you, one word jumps out - Determined. I see it in you every day. You are determined to get through the safety locks (ok...they are rubber bands!) on the kitchen cupboards. You know that whatever is inside is worth the extra lockdown, so it must be good. When I put you down on the floor, you head right for the stairs to see if the gate is up. (And you will usually find that it is not!) But, interestingly, you will not go up them until I am looking at you. You wait, ever so slightly to make sure that I am watching you do what you know you shouldn't. It's as if you want to challenge me to stop you before you reach the top. You are amazing. I pray every day that we can help you foster that gift of determination as you grow in faith and statue. We pray that you will be determined to stand up for what is right, that you will be determined to love deeply, and you will be determined to follow your God-given passions.

You bring utter joy to our lives. You are so happy, so full of energy and life, and your personality has been evident since the day we met you. There is something so sweet in hearing you call me "mama" and Daddy "dada". It is a daily reminder that family goes beyond blood and heredity. We feel amazingly connected to you...and we love you more than we could ever express on paper.

Today, life with you is blissful and easy. You don't see that you are different from us. You know nothing of the challenges you will face down the road. To be honest, we are cherishing these moments because we know that they can't and won't last forever. When the time comes that you do notice these things, we want to give you full freedom to explore you identity, to discover what it means to be Korean, to be American, to be adopted. We know that we, as parents, are bound to make many, many mistakes, but we hope beyond all hope that you will know how much we love you. We pray for you each day, that God would give you wisdom.

Someone wrote this verse in a card that they gave us when you arrived. I'm not sure why, but it speaks to me. Ephesians 2:19-20 "Consequently, you are no longer foreigners and aliens, but fellow citizens with God's people and members of God's household, built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, with Christ Jesus himself as the chief cornerstone". We know that this story of this amazingly beautiful and happy baby being grafted into our family is our story. My sweet son, we can't wait to help you build your life - story. And to help you discover who you were meant to be. We thank God for that privilege.

We love you always,
Mama

First, an update...

2009-04-05T06:45:00.001-07:00

So before I can post anything fun, I should update y'all on where we've been. We've been on a remote tropic island in the Caribbean enjoying the sun and nothing but lazy days of playing and swimming.... Oh, wait. That's in my dreams. :)

We've been sick. As a mom...I'm SO tired of evaluating. (Can I get an "amen" from other moms out there?) My brain hurts from all the info swirling in my head. Is she sick enough to keep home from school? How long has this fever lasted? When did he last eat? When was the last time I gave her Motrin? How long has he napped today? Did I call the school this morning to let them know she won't be in? Sick...sick...sick.

Our biggest and most concerning illness has been with Levi. Without going into graphic detail, he's been very ill. Fevers topping at 105, vomiting, and needing us constantly to hold him, often falling asleep in our arms. To know Levi, is to know that this is very out of character for him. After 5 doctor visits in 3 days, we've learned that he has a Urinary Tract Infection. Luckily, though it appears he has a severe infection, we caught it before it spread to the blood. So - we opted to treat it from home, but it has required us to take him in to receive a series of three shots of antibiotics over 3 days in our pediatricians office. Not surprisingly, he now hates the doctor. The very sight of an exam room will send him into hysterics! And if you've never had to watch them draw blood or catheterize your infant...consider yourselves very lucky. Tomorrow we'll talk about next steps if his fever doesn't go down to normal, and also to try and discover the root of the UTI, which is uncommon in infants, particularly in boys.

So, now you know why we've been missing. On to better news...

Am I becoming a latent poster?

2009-03-09T17:37:00.000-07:00

I know, I know. I am one of those bloggers. You know, the kind that are gung-ho when the start and quickly peter off until they post that they've had a baby (that you didn't even know they were pregnant with), they're pregnant (and somehow you didn't even know they'd gotten married) or that they are moving. We are, thankfully, none of these things. So I think I am safe for now.

However, I do owe a letter to Levi. I know that. I've been composing it in my mind for quite some time now. I spend time at night thinking about it too. It's my next post - I promise.

For now, we are doing fine. And I do mean to use that word. "Fine." It's so non-descriptive. But, in some ways, it describes where we are at. We've hit that stage where Levi is no longer a "novelty" but part of our family. Most days that bring me tremendous comfort. Other days, I feel antsy for more. I did go back to work last week, and I'm very glad. I'm blessed to be able to work part-time, from home, doing my dream job. I direct and lead our family ministry at church. It's fulfilling, life-giving and at the end of the day, I feel my work really matters. It fills my soul.

Onto baby. I *totally* forgot how selfish I am and how much a baby brings that to the light. I am not ashamed to tell you that I have had more than one "woe-is-me" or "pity" parties since Levi has come home. I start thinking that somehow I work harder than everyone else in my family. Scratch that...harder than anyone I know. Scratch that...harder than anyone in the world. You get my drift. Luckily, by number three, they are not feeling that a long walk, reading, a nap, or (at last resort) chocolate will not fix. But the feelings are still there, as strong as ever. Some things just don't change. Fortunately for me, I'm managing it better day by day.

Levi is doing awesome. We're still having some sleeping issues...teething, nap schedules, colds... All in all, we are counting our blessings. I think he felt celebrated by his homecoming party. Mostly, I think he liked the cake! We have the best friends in the universe who loved Levi the moment we showed them his photo. In lieu of gifts, we asked people to bring something to send to Korea (list provided by Love the Children, our agency). I was thrilled to ship 32 lbs of diapers, clothing and other baby supplies to JFK to send on over to Korea. Thank you dear friends! I'll leave you with those photos. Oh, and I promise to post before we decide to move. :)

Video for Levi's "Coming Home" Party

2009-03-01T08:59:00.001-08:00

Some friends of ours are lovingly throwing a "coming home" party for Levi tonight. Well, that is, if it doesn't get cancelled because of the snow! I thought a slide show would be a nice way to introduce our son and the process to our friends at the party. So I started one in Picassa. Simultaneously, I began to research how I could download the hours of video footage we have from the last 8 years onto DVDs that could be played and saved. With the purchase of a firewire cable, I found out that it was quite easy - so my slideshow evolved into a much bigger project once I realized I might actually be able to include the video from the airport.

I wish I could tell you that I have become an expert at Windows Movie Maker with all the hours I have invested into this project, but I realized this morning that somehow in creating the DVD I have lost the content of the video on my computer. I was able to recover the content from the DVD, but as you will see, it was meant to be the start of a project, not the final result. I won't be able to edit the content of the current video without remaking it. I am thrilled however, that I didn't loose everything. This video is just under 8 minutes long. Hope you enjoy it!

New Photos of our 3 kids

2009-03-01T08:57:00.001-08:00

We went to Portrait Simple last night and had photos taken of the kids...Enjoy!

O sweet sleep...how I've missed you.

2009-02-23T17:01:00.000-08:00

Levi is SLEEPING THROUGH THE NIGHT. Wow. 3 days...and not that bad if you ask me. Worked like a charm. We are praising God that he is sleeping. Life is so much better on 8 hours. ;) I'm not sure that it is related - but we've seen him have more separation anxiety over the last couple of weeks. Not that we've left him anywhere for very long, but if we leave the room for even just a second when others are around, he calls us back in. Luckily, he doesn't freak out when we leave the room at home, or anything of that sort. So, we are counting our blessings. Actually, we count it all joy since he's attached enough to us to care that we are leaving!

Clearly I've not been blogging with my new found energy, but I HAVE done a lot I assure you. Well, how about if I tell you.

1) I've prepared my 2008 taxes and sent them off to the government. It's always so much more fun when you are getting a refund! Adopting an April 15th baby (his birthday, anyway) will make tax day much more fun every year!

2) I sent out 90 adoption announcements. I spent much of the time compiling addresses from Christmas cards this year that fell off my "to do before baby comes" list since he came sooner than expected. But they are (mostly) done.

3) And I started an adoption video for Levi. I'm about 3/4 done. I'm hoping to unveil it at his homecoming party on 3/1/2008 that some friends are throwing us. It's coming along well. It includes video and photos from our entire process. It's been quite an emotional project for me. While I've enjoyed doing it, the learning cure has caused many, many frustrations. Hopefully, the end product will help me justify the hours I've spent on it. I'll be sure to post when I have it complete.

I'll finish this posting by adding his announcement. I didn't get a perfect scan, but you'll get the gist. I'll try to post Levi's letter soon. It will give you a little taste of his personality (it's amazing what you can learn in just over a month!). Also, we are headed to the pediatrician tomorrow and we'll get some stats. Will let you know!

Baby Boot Camp

2009-02-19T10:25:00.000-08:00

We have had to do "Baby Boot Camp" now 3 times. Well, the 3rd is still in process. This is that moment when you finally say "enough is enough." Both of my kids responded well to our methods, and I have thankfully recovered from the trauma that I experienced during the process!

Our social worker told us that 10 days was a magic number for kids adjusting. I'm here to report that 10 days was sort of a "magic" number for us in terms of sleep for Levi. It marked the time when his sleep got worse instead of better. He is up from about 1 or 2 a.m. until about 5 a.m. Sometimes he's sleeping, other times he's crying or crawling around our bed. Either way, we were awake, trying to get him back to sleep. We know from his paperwork that he didn't sleep well in Korea either and we've spent 2 1/2 weeks trying to ease him into better sleep habits. When he woke up in the crib, we tried him in the bed. When that didn't work, we tried just one of us in bed with him. We considered that it might be food or reflux related, but when we talked to others about it, he didn't really have other symptoms of it. We tried letting him cry in the middle of the night for a little while only to discover that his ear infection had returned and, of course, we felt horrible. At which point we threw in the towel on the sleep training and put him back in our bed, where he continued to wake up and be awake for a long time in the middle of the night. We were lost. While we were genuinely concerned about making our son cry at night when he's been through so many changes, he and I were getting such bad sleep, I was beginning to loose the ability to function normally. I was waiting at an intersection to pull out onto a major road the other day, when an impatient driver behind me honked and gave me the "Just stick yourself out there gesture" (I could see her in the rear view mirror.) AndI responded in a way that only a sleep deprived mom can - I bawled. Luckily I was only a few minutes from home. But, it was my wake up call. (No pun intended).

That is how we turned to Dr. Ferber. Ferberizing him, is what I like to call it. Yesterday, I read Solve your Child's Sleep Problems by Richard Ferber. I reserved it at the library and when we had the "all-time worst night" on Tuesday night, I made sure to get it on Wednesday. It only takes reading a few chapters to get some really, really great information. After reading the first few chapters, I realized taht the kids in the book could have been Levi, they were that similar! I'm not going to go into detail about the book because (and let me be VERY clear about this), I would not recommend this for the average adoptive parents at 1 month into the process. In fact, I have wrestled with it myself - but in one night (count it!), I got a full nights sleep. I'm not sure if my body knows what to do with 8 hours! It did feed me truth I didn't want to hear too - that Levi is probably going to be getting up at 6 or 6:30 a.m. for a while, so I need to make sure to adjust my bedtime accordingly.

Levi continues to be a dream baby all day long. Even today, after he did some crying last night. He actually functions on little sleep much better than I do - a skill that will serve him well in his college years. :) I'll make sure to post after a couple of days to see if this sleeping solid thing actually sticks. Until then, sweet dreams!

Dear Sweet Ella,

2009-02-17T07:24:00.000-08:00

When I think of the joy that you bring our family - I'm amazed. You are unique in every way. You find delight in the smallest things, and you enjoy making us laugh. You are so special, so sure of yourself, and you have strength beyond your years. I am laughing to think about how quickly you jump to things when I ask! The energy that you had when you were little seemed exhausting. But now, it is such a blessing as I watch it shape you forever "can-do" attitude. I love that you can be "just one of the boys" and get along with 2 brothers so well. I often say that you are the perfect girl for two brothers!

I went to your Kindergarten conference back in the fall and you teacher remarked at how compassionate you are. "If anyone is in need of love from a friend" she said, "Ella is right there." I was actually a little surprised to hear this, and quite frankly, I wondered if it might be a phase or just something the teacher noticed once or twice and attributed to you. But then, I started to hear you talk about school: about how you seek out children on the playground who "don't have anyone else to play with", or how you rub your friends back when she is crying. And I realized that your teacher was right. You have amazing compassion. I see it with your friends, with animals, and now, with your little brother. If something happens to Levi that you can "fix", you are right there with the solution - A pacifier when he is sad, a cheerio when he's hungry, a kiss when he's hurting, a funny face when he's frowning. I think about how you might use this uniquness as you grow older. Will you help the poor or the needy? Will you start a program that's built around your comassion? Will you be a more compassionate mom that I am often to you or your brothers? For now, I am content to watch you grow and lean into the gift that God has given you. Don't let anyone ever tell you that you can't help because you are "just" a kid - you are an example to me my sweet baby.

For today - I'm so glad to be "the girls" of the Gerrard family with you. We love shopping. We love cooking. We love crafting together. We just love girlie things (but not too girlie!). We are now outnumbered - but I love embracing life with you. I'm praying that God would make you a woman of noble character, just as I'm praying for me. We have a long way to go (and always will!) - but I'm so glad to do it together.

I love you my darling little girl,
Mama

To my first boy...

2009-02-12T04:10:00.000-08:00

The next three posts will be letters to my children, starting with Ben. May you find insight into their souls through these posts.

Dearest Ben,
I praise God for you! Your sweet disposition is only surpassed by your amazing smile. The last few weeks with you have been amazing - we've been able to see a side of you that we do not see often. You have laughed at and with Levi for the last 3 weeks. It has been fun to see what you would do to spark a smile or get a laugh from your baby brother. You have risen to the task of welcoming a baby brother so beautifully. You may have caught me with tears in my eyes on more than one occasion, as I watch you grow up right in front of me. I've said this to you before, but I would have been honored to be your little brother or sister. You are such a sweet, kind-hearted brother. Ella & Levi are very, very blessed to have you. You are big in every way to them.

I've enjoyed reminiscing about "when you were a baby" as we watch Levi conquer new milestones. Levi reminds me so much of you in so many ways and I enjoy watching him as much as I watched you when you were little. You even have offered up your baby shoes for him when he takes his first steps! That is just the kind of brother you are. I want you to keep those shoes for you, to remind you that I will never forget those first steps, those first words, or that first smile. You are my firstborn, my oldest son, and I love you more than words can say.

I'm in awe of the young man you are becoming and I am praying that God would help you continue to love what's right - that he would protect you and help me to be the best mom I can be to you. I pray that he will fill in the gaps - as there are so many to fill. Daddy and I are far from perfect, so much so that sometimes it hurts me to think of how many times I've lost my patience with you or yelled at you. Many times, your only grievance was being just a child. You are so mature beyond your years that sometimes I forget.

Thank you for welcoming Levi into our family...for putting up with having to keep your legos up high, for sleeping right through the night time crying, for making funny noises and funny faces that keeps us all laughing, and for giving him sweet nighttime kisses as he falls asleep. You are a treasure to me and I love you so very, very much.

All my devotion,
Mommy

Lice, lice baby...

2009-02-06T10:06:00.001-08:00

If you've wondered where I've been...I've just been around. Nit-picking. Literally. Any of you who have had your kids in the public schools very long, know that more than occasionally there is a lice outbreak. My kids have weathered this quite well...until now.

They came home from school last Wed, and I decided to just "check" them (after getting the 27th note from school warning that there'd been lice). I thought I saw a bug on Ella, but couldn't repeat it. And yes, if you keep up with my blog, you know I've had this panic before. :)

So - after their baths, I combed their hair with a special comb I'd purchased (thanks for the tip Kathy), and found something on Ella. At first, I couldn't tell what it was, so I asked to borrow Steve's reading glasses. When he found out what it was for he said "I have exactly what you need!" and he brought me his magnifying eyepiece that he uses for viewing slides. I will tell you that what I saw under that eyepiece is still giving me nightmares. So, while it worked to definitively let me know that it was lice, I don't recommend it.

I'm only telling you this because it ended up being one of the most interesting "family nights" we've had. How my kids reacted was the most fascinating part of the evening. When I found nits on Ben (only a few), he cried as if it were a personal loss on historic levels. He didn't want to be subjected to lots of baths and excessive hair combing. One he learned he was going to miss the 1/2 day of school the next day, and that his case was minor, he made peace with it all.

Ella was another story. She looked at the lice through that eyepiece - and she couldn't wait for me to rake out another one, so that she could see! Every comb she would turn around to see if something came out. I assured her that if she would sit still, I promised to let her know if I found another. And when I did, she ran about the house - proclaiming LOUDLY that we'd found "another one daddy!" I always knew, she was a bug lover at heart - but this proves she's a die hard! :) Fortunately, I only found about a dozen creatures on my kids combined. And Levi, Steve and I managed to escape them (for now). I spent all day Thurs doing laundry, combing hair and bagging up anything "fluffy" (according to Ella). For a few hours, I had the cleanest house I've had in a while. I'm sad to report that you wouldn't know that now! :)

So, I'll post about bigger and better (and less creepy) things soon! But for now, you can rest in the peace that we are alive, well and most importantly - LICE FREE! :)

To my friends who are waiting...

2009-02-04T08:47:00.000-08:00

This post is for those of you who are still waiting. Waiting on your blessings from Korea, your blessings from the womb, your health to improve and your faith to be restored. For those of you who are waiting for your weakness to be made strong in God. I think of you all the time. I pray for you. I hope for you - and anxiously await the arrival of "good news" whatever form it may take.

Today, as I was patting Levi to sleep, I discovered 10 mintues. After I let him cry for a few minutes, I go up, lay him down and then pat him. He is usually asleep in under 5 minutes. Almost always under 10. I've decided to use that quiet time to read a devotional & my bible, to refocus my day. It's the 10 minutes I've always wished I'd taken, but never have actually disciplined myself to do it.

Today, I was reading from Psalm 30:5 "Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning." Waiting for Levi was so hard in some ways, and so good in others. We prayed for him, dreamed about what he'd look like, how he'd act, how he'd respond to us... My devotional today reminded me that everything grows in value as we wait. Christmas, sporting events, vacations...we dream about them, plan for them, and anticipate them. Can you imagine waking up and hearing "Christmas in 10 minutes!" ? Our enjoyment of the holiday is not just in the event itself, but in the anticipation. Isn't it so true? Looking back, I feel very much this way about all of my kids - birth and adopted. Waiting is hard, but it develops the longing that gets us through those tough first few weeks, this tantrums, and the hard days. Even with all the hard things - in all 3 cases, it was more than worth the wait! :)

I pray for you today, as you wait with anticipation!

Photo Link

2009-02-02T17:36:00.000-08:00

For those of you looking for more pictures - this is the last 5 days or so at our house!

January 2009

Trouble

2009-02-02T16:35:00.000-08:00

I'm sitting down to write and I have so much to blog about, and yet so very little to say. Mostly, our family is feeling down. We have all been sick with Levi's cold. In fact, I think we are single handily keeping Puffs and Kleenex in business. We've been up at night with a certain little boy who for 2 of the last 3 nights felt as though 1 - 3 a.m. is "party time". Steve and I disagreed. Strongly.

I'll post photos in the next post - some of them are great from our NEW camera. We love it.

If you came to our house tonight, you'd notice the little clouds over each of us. Steve's facing trouble at work, I'm missing having him at home, Ben has to do homework and Ella doesn't get cake because she didn't eat dinner. Trouble, trouble, trouble. Trouble isn't just in our household - it's all around us. Job loss, the economy, cancer, illness, death and depression. There is so much to be thankful for, but somehow, trouble speaks louder than blessings sometimes.

The bible talks about trouble A LOT. God must have known that we would need lots of opportunities to hear truth about feeling down. My favorite verses come from 2 Corinthians 4:16 - 18. "Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."

Sleepless nights: Light and momentary
Job losses: Light and momentary
Sour Economy: Light and momentary
Pay cuts: Light and momentary
Problems with Friends: Light and momentary
Health Issues: Light and Momentary
Homework: Light and Momentary
Cake Loss: Light and Momentary

After meeting with God this evening, I am fixing my eyes on what is unseen: The molding of 3 beautiful children, God providing for our every need, hope for healing and relational restoration. Hope for a future not on this Earth. "Do not loose heart."

On an unrelated note, I'd like to tell you that I mopped my kitchen floor today. For those of you who follow my blog, you'll remember that the LAST time I mopped the floor was the day we received the good news of Levi coming (and YES that was almost 3 weeks ago between moppings!). I couldn't help but remember what a joyful day that was. It will always be a highlight in my life. Today's mopping was a necessity. Levi has spilled more Cheerios, grape pieces, yogurt, and crackers on my floor in the last 3 weeks than I could have imagined. Then again, there is a lot that I couldn't have imagined 3 weeks ago...

Ramblings (it's just the lack of sleep talking)

2009-01-28T18:26:00.000-08:00

I almost didn't blog today. But I realized I haven't blogged in a couple of days, and people start chasing me down when I don't! :) Thanks to my friends who don't let me hide...

Sleep deprivation - isn't it amazing? Those of you who have been new parents, are new parents or are about to become new parents - repeat after me: "It's just the lack of sleep talking." Remember this Sleep deprivation can cause just about anthing...am I right all of you "have been's"?? Lack of sleep has put me in the ho-hums today. It was a snow day for the kids (which I usually love), but I had to balance baby, shoveling and extensive meal-making (why do I attempt pancakes on snow days, anyway??). I felt like I worked hard and everyone was lacking. It's not true, but it's just the lack of sleep talking. Last night, Levi slept soundly until 2:30 and then was restless the rest of the night. I didn't fall asleep for several of those hours. At some point, I brought him into bed with me (I've moved back into my room - mostly to steal precious heat from my hubby who is like a furnace!), and just as I was falling asleep, I felt a strance sensation like a mouse running over me (go ahead and laugh...Steve thought that was hilarious!), but I couldn't get back to sleep thinking there might be a mouse in the bed! :) I was able to fall asleep after convincing myself "it's just the lack of sleep talking."

There are greater, more important things that are lost when you are sleep deprived. I was short with a friend today, short with my kids, intolerant of that baby-toy music played for the 4,657th time (I'm estimating), and I began to fear the worst for my youngest child. "Levi doesn't notice when I leave a room, or at least doesn't cry to get me back. Should I be worried?" (I know...MOST people would think that is a blessing!) "He's really busy and LOVES making trouble. Should I be worried for the future?" Once again, I remind myself it's just the lack of sleep talking. If these things resurface when I'm fully rested, then I will start to consider asking the right people.

10 days. That's what my social worker promises is the magic number. She tells me it has stood the test of time and that by 10 days, "their nights are nights and their days are days." Here's hoping! (We're on day #8, night #9.) She didn't promise that he'll be sleeping through the night - and I didn't ask. I really don't want to know. He'll get there.

The snow day was a gift to us as we enjoyed spending another day together. One week ago today was our first family day - it's amazing how far we've come! If you check out the pictures above, you'll see that my sweet Ella is already trying to get Levi to cooperate - but pulling on his shirt and manipulating his head! :) She's going to be a great mom - if I can just teach her the art of being gentle....

Another funny thing that Levi has started...when I am putting him to sleep at night or holding him for a nap - just as he's falling into sleep, he will reach up, grab his pacificer and throw it on the ground (even if he's in the sling!!!). Yeah, he's a pretty smart cookie! I've started to delay giving it back to him - and he starts to fuss until I eventually give it back. We play this cat & mouse game a few times until he just can't keep his eyes open any more. At thispoint I think - I won, you little stinker!" :)

Ok...sorry for the rambling it's just the lack of sleep talking. I'm going to bid good-night before I get myself into trouble! :)

A quick update...

2009-01-26T18:20:00.000-08:00

So, I don't have photos from today - remember how I was sending everyone back to work and school? Yeah, so it turns out that we both missed them. :) Levi was a little grumpier today since he didn't have 4 people ogling over him 24/7. And when I say "grumpier" I mean he cried, like twice. :)

We are finally, finally getting Steve's dream camera, which he'll use some for work. Ok, maybe not "dream", but it definatly the nicest camera we are likely to own, ever. It's a gift for his birthday on Saturday. It's a splurge for us, but we've been saving up for it and are looking forward to getting it very soon. It's the Nikon D60 (for all you camera geeks out there) which just means it takes really, really great photos. I look forward to posting them soon!

In other news - my good friend sleep, has returned, at least for now. I don't know if she is here to stay, but last night Levi went down at 8 and got up at 6:15 a.m. Well, he woke up twice - loud enough to get me out of bed, but I'm very, very thankful that it wasn't 10 times! Looks like the antibiotics were the right decision. Too bad all but 2 doses spilled all over the bottom of the fridge! :)

I've had a few people ask me about sleeping arrangements with Levi. I'll end with this because some of your probably don't really care (but I love you anyway!). Those of you who are interested, we pretty much took our social worker's suggestion. We have 3 bedrooms, all on the 2nd floor. Our bedroom, a "girls" room, and a "boys" room. The girls and boys room are jack 'n jill style with a door connecting them. Our kids love it. In the boys room we have bunk beds, and in the girls room we have a queen bed. The idea is that it would become the "guest room" and Ella would sleep in our room or Ben's room when we had guests...but when we had someone living with us this fall, she pretty much claimed the other bunk, in the "boys" room as "hers". So, we put the crib in the girls/guest room (I know - for our little boy) so that we could use the bed and the crib in these early days as he transitions. At first, I slept with him in the bed at night almost exclusively (for about 4 nights) and after falling off the bed after one nap (yes - you can give us our "parents of the year award" now) - we moved him to the crib (or sling) for naps. Now, he usually starts in the crib, and when he wakes I usually just transfer him from the crib to the bed because frankly, I'm very tired at that point. I do see us changing this soon, because sleeping with Levi is like sleeping with an octopus that breathes like Darth Vader all night long. :) The Darth Vader part will go with the cold - but the octopus is here for the duration!

So - that's our sleeping story. I hope it helps some of those of you who will be in our shoes very soon! We think of you all the time and are praying that your little ones will be home soon!

I am missing my good friend...sleep.

2009-01-25T17:28:00.001-08:00

Perhaps I raved a little too soon about our transition. Last night reminded me of the days of having an infant. You know the every 2 hours of night waking...the tiptoeing away from the bed only to have the baby screaming again. I knew he wasn't feeling well, so I cut him some slack (not that babies really need an excuse for slack!). But when he woke at 6 a.m., I noticed he was hot. Really hot. Took his temperature and it was 103.5. Yikes! So I gave him some tylenol and just listened to his drippy, runny nose and yucky cough while reading him stories and playing with him. Ugh. I knew we could be in for a long day. After a little while, I passed him off to Steve and got another 1.5 hours of much needed sleep. I called the doctor when I woke up, who told me to bring him in, and sure enough - he had an ear infection. After 2 doses of antibiotic, I'm really hoping for a better nights sleep...In fact, I'd love to wake up at 7 a.m (and no sooner!), but I have a feeling that is a little while to come. :)

He has been such a sweet baby, even being sick. Although we are certainly seeing a little more sadness - who can blame him? I included some photos of our last two days. I finally got him to sleep in the sling today. Believe it or not, he's been fighting any daytime sleep and is WAY to curious to fall asleep on my back! This is despite the reports that this is how he napped in Korea! Hmm....

Ben and Ella have not only enjoyed having Levi here, but have enjoyed having daddy AND mommy home all the time! We've really enjoyed this family time, although Ben and Ella are starting to fight more, and Steve is getting a little bored, so I'm ready to send everyone back to school and work tomorrow! :)

Tonight, as I rocked my baby boy to sleep, I cried hard. It was the kind of cry where you are sobbing and can't stop. After I laid him in bed, I came downstairs and sobbed in Steve's arms. It is all sinking in. This amazing baby, Levi's birth mom, his foster mom, the arrival day events, doctors appointments, baby sneezes, loosing my "Independence", THREE college tuitions...I could go on and on. It's been a FULL 6 days. Someone pinch me...

A great transition (undercover)

2009-01-23T17:18:00.000-08:00

I promised my social worker that I wouldn't blog about this one - that I'd keep it to myself that Levi's done so amazing. She told me this isn't "normal" so she doesn't want others to expect this too or suspect that the agency has played favorites. So - just in case you know our social worker or are with our agency - you didn't hear it from me!!! Deal!? :)

Levi is progressing so well. We are humbled and amazed at how much he's thriving. He started pushing a stool - "walking" around our kitchen, squealing with delight that he can now chase around the big kids! :) He thinks he's big now too!

Eating - the kid eats anything! I love to cook - so we are a perfect match! In fact, if you're holding him at the dinner table, you'll need to watch your plate of food. He may want you, who he's sitting with - but more than likely he wants whatever you've got in front of you! He'll swipe your chicken right off the table! We're trying to hold him back, but delighted that he loves to eat! It's so much fun!

Social - We aren't trying the "outside" world for a while as we try to bond, but for us, he is the most social, happy-go-lucky kid we could have asked for! He hardly cries...really. Cecelia called this morning and talked in Korean to him. He jumped with joy to hear familiar sounds. It's only then at those times that we are keenly aware of how big of transition he's made. He adores our kids, and has started giving kises - which we, of course, love.

Dr. Appointment - By request of our agency, we took him in for an appointment with our pediatrician. They gave him his first "well baby" visit. Modified, of course, because we didn't want to strip him down in the exam room. He really doesn't like getting dressed/undressed and we figured we'd ease him into the whole doctor thing. Dr. Whitman was very understanding and did what he could...Levi tolerated a lot more than we thought. Our visit can be summed up in his final statement. "He is a true testament to a wonderful foster family. You have so much to be thankful for - he really is amazing and he comes from a very loving foster family." Cecelia reiterated that when we talked to her this morning. She told us the foster mother was probably crying, grieving the son she has lost. We prayed for her. Our hearts are broken. In order to love well, you must truly love. I don't know if I'm strong enough to do what these foster mothers do. May God give Ms. Kim peace. We are so grateful for her, and it is reflected in how well our son is doing.

Sleep - Okay, so there has to be something not going perfectly, right? :) He HATES naps. Kicks, fights, screams, and REFUSES to take a nap! This from a kid that hardly cries during the day! He cries out for omma (his foster mom), and I think he misses her in the nighttime (I really get that!) Yesterday, he only had 1 morning nap of about an hour and I put him down to bed just before 7 pm. Of course - he was awake from about 4 - 5:30 a.m. So tonight, despite the 45 minute nap today (and despite our futile attempts at a second one), we held him off until 8 pm to go to bed. He was SOO tired, and we still can't get over how happy he is without much nap! (I know...I'll pause here why you feel really sorry for us!) On to night...well, he's still waking up at night and again, asking for omma. We're just rolling with it...he's got a lot of grieving to do and we just want to be patient with him.

We are in awe of this little one. He truly has been a wonderful addition to our family in every way. I can't stop crying as I think about the what-ifs surrounding our decision to adopt. God spoke very loudly to us (I'll blog about that sometime), and I'm just really, really thankful. I think Ben said it best tonight "Mom - Levi's not adopted anymore! He's ours!" I didn't bother explaining that adopted IS ours. I knew what he meant, and he is right.

If you click on the photo below, you can see more pictures from our day (added to the arrival pictures).

Levi's arrival

In the still of the Night

2009-01-22T08:34:00.000-08:00

First, I am publicly apologizing to Steve for posting a picture on the last post of him with "chicken hair". I'm so sorry baby...I didn't even notice - I was too busy looking at our beautiful boy and never thought twice about how everyone else looked! :)

The night is sometimes my worst enemy. It is the time where every fear, both rational and irrational surface. When I was a child - my fears about death and dying would be so strong at night they would force me to tears. As I became a mom for the first time, I spent a lot of time awake in the night, fearing things that never crossed my mind during the day. I don't know if these are subconscious thoughts that are always there - or if they are irrational creations that happens when the sun is down and the moon is high. Either way, they are very real feelings.

Levi had a great night last night - even going an 8 hour stretch without eating, which I'm understanding - he didn't even do with his foster family before he came home! We are so thankful for God's blessing on his sleep. But after he stirred a moment, I was left lying there, next to my precious child, when that ugly monster of fear struck again. Some questions were the same I'd had before, when I was up in the night with both of my other children: "Things are going so well - maybe too well. He's so content - is there something I'm missing? This can't be it - when is the other shoe going to drop? How am I going to take a shower or get the kids to school, when Steve goes back to work?"

Other questions that loom are about my ability to care for Levi long term. I'm not adopted and don't know the first thing about what he might wrestle with in the future. "Will I know how to answer all the questions? Can I love my child while I counsel him though the feelings of abandonment? Am I prepared to help him understand why others don't see his differences as the wonderful thing they are, but tease him about them instead? Am I prepared to raise a Korean boy, a Korean man, and help him navigate though changes I haven't experienced on my own?

Fortunately, morning came. Thankfully, it always does. I wonder if this is why the Bible talks so much about the morning and the healing that it brings? As I laid in bed last night, I chose to embrace these changes as good. I wish I could know that our future holds only happiness and joy, but instead, I choose to believe that no matter what our future holds, I am a mom who loves all three of her children in ways I could never have understood before becoming a mother. For tonight, that is enough.

Exhausted but happy

2009-01-21T17:41:00.000-08:00

Day one went very well. When he is tired, he asks for Uh-ma (his foster mom), but other than that, he's pretty happy and content. Last night, he slept from 6 - 10 (on the way home last night), 11- 3 and 3:30 - 7:45. Not too bad if you ask me! He had 2 naps today. I woke him from the 2nd so that he wouldn't sleep too long. We had such a fun day getting to know one another. I'm so thankful for the big kids. He enjoys our company, but cries for Ben & Ella when they leave the room. I don't know what we're going to do when they have to go to school! :) Enjoy these pictures from our day...

January 20, 2009: Arrival Day

2009-01-21T08:23:00.000-08:00

It was a very historic day indeed. We listened to the inaugural address on the way to NYC. It was moving to know that it was such a historic and memorable day for us AND for America. We couldn't help but feel thankful that our son was coming home on a day that defines the changing of our nation. Welcome to America sweet little Levi.

It was an uneventful drive to JFK thanks to 2 GPS devices! We left later than we had planned, mostly because we'd allowed so much time, and didn't want to sit around the airport. We arrived with about 40 minutes to spare, got the kids some fruit and water to hold them over until we had dinner (which we suspected would be later than usual). We went to the "big orange question mark" that our greeter had said that we should meet under. (It was decidedly big and orange!) :) When we arrived, we saw another family standing on the other side of the desk. They looked suspiciously like us: A couple with their parents, no "real" luggage - more of a diaper bag type bag, nervous, looking around. We knew, from Cecelia that another family was going to be there to greet their son. Just as we were trying to decide if we should introduce ourselves a security officer walked toward Nicole (our friend who was with us) and upon seeing her camera, informed us that NO pictures or video should be taken in the airport! What??!!! None he said. He was quite rude about it, mocking us for even asking why this was the case. We were disheartened to say the least. Finally, after a few minutes of trying to decide if we should introduce ourselves to the other family, I nervously walked toward them and smiled. Before I could even ask "Are you with Love The Children?" the woman came toward me and said "Yes! We are waiting for the same thing you are!" The rest of the family joined me and we congratulated them on the big arrival of their first child, Max, who is 13 months old.

We waited together for the greeter (Gerri) to meet us. We grew more and more nervous as we waited. We knew the flight was on time (10 minutes early, actually!), and that things were running smoothly on our end, but we wondered if everything was really going smooth. It started to seem all too easy. Gerri arrived (a mother to 10 adopted children, 7 of them from S. Korea!) and asked if we had questions. "Can we take pictures and video!?" I blurted out. I explained why I was asking. She told us that the area we were going would not be so crowded and she'd never had problem before with anyone taking video and photographs. We all breathed a sign of relief. We walked over to the arrival board and waited for the "on time" posting to change to "arrive" where Gerri informed us we would walk to the bottom of an escalator (how dramatic!) to wait for our sons. After waiting several minutes after the plane was supposed to arrive, we began to see some people filter from the direction we knew we'd be waiting. Gerri walked over to them and asked what flight they'd come off of. It was OUR sons flight! Gerri led all of us quickly to the escalators and we waited. Our friend Nicole had the camera and the video camera revved up, ready for action! She was a trooper in every way!

We watched everyone come down those escalators. They must have wondered who we were waiting for so attentively. At last, we saw a woman come to the escalator with a stroller and peer down. Our greeter realized she could not go down the escalator with the stroller. We all turned around to the elevators behind us. Gerri reminded us that we could not ambush just any person who walked off the elevator and take their baby! We all had a laugh about that as the elevator was counting down. I can't honestly remember that wait...it was so surreal, so fast. The elevator doors opened up and the woman walked out and indicated that the boy belonged to one of us...but which one!!? Neither of us jumped like we recognized him. By size, I suspected that it was Levi, but I wasn't quite sure. He was bundled up in a jacket with his hat on. I checked his bracelet which read his Korean name and our names. "He's ours." I nodded quietly. I could hardly get the words out. I was overwhelmed with joy, love, fear, and nervousness. I picked him up out of the stroller. He didn't cry, he just was VERY, very curious. He kept looking around and touching things - our hair, our faces, our clothing. Everything was new to him. We were amazed that he wasn't crying. I knelt down to show him his big brother and sister and he practically LEPT out of our arms to greet the kids. It was very clear, at that moment that he was in love with his big sister and brother! Gerri and our escort took Steve aside to sign the paperwork and give him the bag filled with all sorts of goodies. I was unaware until later, that a bag had even been left for us! We hugged the escort, took a few photos, and said goodbye. The other family congratulated us and was on their way as well. To be honest...I'm pretty sure they got their baby, but I have no idea! Eventually the greeter left us to play with our son. We played with him for about 20 minutes before we packed up to head home. We'd been told that he was in need of a bottle, so I gave him about 100 ml (1/2 the bottle) and then Steve pulled up in the car. He cried for a very short time when we loaded him into the car seat, but once he saw that Ben and Ella were with him, he instantly perked up, smiling! I sat next to him, where he downed the other half of the bottle and fell asleep before we were even out of the airport. He slept the ENTIRE way home! 4 hours to be exact. We didn't wake him because we knew that he needed the rest and we didn't want him to wake in the car, distressed, where we didn't have any way to really soothe him. We talked all the way home about the experience.
I'll post more later about the first night and first day, but here are the pictures of our special day with Levi! http://picasaweb.google.com/gerrard.angela/LeviSArrival?authkey=g1dMwnmIESk&feat=directlink

(You'll have to cut/paste this link into your browser.)
http://picasaweb.google.com/gerrard.angela/LeviSArrival?authkey=g1dMwnmIESk&feat=directlink

Well done.

2009-01-19T20:36:00.000-08:00

We've had a great day here, and most of it had very little to do with getting anything done. We just enjoyed the day. The kids and I went out to lunch and wandered around the mall, talking about Legos and American Girl Dolls and everything in between. They played outside in the great snow we got yesterday until the couldn't take the cold anymore. :)

Steve and I went out for Thai tonight, while the kids played with Meghan, their very favorite sitter (who was available with one days notice - thanks dear friend!). And we bought a new shovel! (Do we know how to spend a date or what!!?) Really...we were in desperate need of a better shovel. I'd say "bring on the snow!" but we have had QUITE enough for a while! ;) I love doing anything with Steve - he is great company.

Tonight, the house is quiet. I'm feeling very much at peace. I have the pictures of Levi that I have been carrying around in my purse for the last 3 months. Tonight is the last night I have to look at those photos to know what my son looks like. Tomorrow, all the questions about how much he has grown in 3 months will be answered. I'll get to see for myself what his personality is like. I'll take my OWN pictures and the boy in the photographs that I carry around will no longer be a projection of my future, but a picture of my present. January 20th is bound to be a historical day for the United States of America. But for our family, it will surely be a day we remember forever. Thanks for being faithful to follow along this part of our journey. I've loved living it with you. I guess we'll see you on the other side!

A few questions?

2009-01-19T17:52:00.000-08:00

I've had a few questions from people that have been asked a number of times...so to satisfy your curiosties:

Will his foster mother bring him on the plane? No, he will be brought by an escort. We don't know this person, and neither will Levi. They are hired by the agency in Korea.

What kinds of adjustments will Levi need to make when he arrives? Basically, just about everything. There is the obvious...he will be crying for his uhm-ma (foster mother) because he will be longing for her so much in the first few days. While this will be hard, we know that if he does, it means he can develop healthy attachments and our long term outlook looks good. However, we will be grieving with him and know that it will take a while before we can fill that void.

We have to make sure that he is healthy - planes carry a lot of illess, espcially under all the circumstances that Levis is undergoing.

He also is making a 14 hour time change. Holy jet lag! Our social worker warned us that it takes about 10 full days to make this adjustment.

What happens when you receive Levi? We will definately let you know when it happens and we will be taking LOTS of video, and photos, but we hear it happens FAST! Here is what we understand: The escort will hand Levi to us, and we hope to catch a quick photo, but then he/she and the greeter (from our agency) will have Steve sign the release forms to that say it was indeed, Steve and I that picked up our child. They will hand Steve all the documents (medical information, log of his last few weeks of eating, sleeping, bathing, etc.) and will give him a gift from the foster mother (a hanbok, which is the traditional Korean 1 year birthday outfit) and then the escort will be gone. Just like that. We'll pick up pretty quickly after that to head home. I hear its very, very overwhelming.

Are you excited? Of course! And nervous too. We feel like we are going on the biggest blind date of our lives and REALLY hope he likes us! :)

Can we call/stop by/email? You can call and email anytime you like. We will answer or pick up when we can. We are asking everyone hold off on visiting without calling first for a couple of weeks. We want to make sure we have enough margain to welcome Levi in our home without overwhelming him. If we find that he can tolerate visitors sooner, we'd be glad to have you. But we just won't know that until we are there. Thank you SO much for understanding. However, we can't WAIT to introduce you to him - you mean so much to us!

Bittersweet

2009-01-18T17:36:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow morning, when you wake up, Levi will be starting his journey. He will travel 30 - 35 hours from Foster home to our home. We are praying for safe travels for him. But - we have someone else on our minds. His foster "uhmma", "apba" and sister. Ms. Kim has been caring for this sweet child for 8 months now (since he was about a month old), and she will be saying goodbye in a few short hours. I can't imagine doing it to be honest. It brings tears to my eyes to think about how difficult it must be for her. We have so much ahead of us, and we don't want to forget this amazing woman, who voluntarily cared for our son, knowing that he would never be hers forever. Thank you Ms. Kim. We know that your loss is our gain. We are eternally grateful.

A productive couple of days...

2009-01-18T16:43:00.000-08:00

Well, I spent most of Saturday morning and afternoon putting my life in order, and Saturday night and Sunday starting to put "the loot" in order. I just have to say...We have great friends who are helping us fill his drawers, make our home more fun with toys, and who are helping us think about and do all the things I just won't get to. I guess all that "cleaning out the closets" stuff is going to have to wait a few more years as well. :) I also lined up a DATE NIGHT for Steve and I tomorrow night. We have a little Korean/Japanese restaurant in Natick we have been meaning to try out.

So - with no further ado, pictures of our kids enjoying the toys (we are already a little sick of that mechanical baby music we'd almost forgotten!), our NEW stroller, all the baby clothes (washed and ready!) and all the stuff. Who knew such a little person could need so much stuff!!??

A welcome Comfort

2009-01-17T19:20:00.000-08:00

It's 10:20. Saturday night. In three days, I'll be arriving home with my son from JFK. I really, really can't believe it. It may be that I'm already a bit sleep deprived, but I feel like I'm at the end of a really long race. I'm tired, starting to wear out and I've become emotional. I was in Old Navy, doing some SOCK-SHOPPING and I was wearing thin. I've been racking my brain for the last 36 hours, trying to tie up all the loose end I thought I had another month to do. I really have lived a month in about 36 hours. However, standing there in Old Navy, I hit a panic moment. What were we thinking? How we could EVER do this? Maybe we'd misread our calling. Maybe we were just hoping to be more than we were supposed to be. Pretty heavy thoughts for Old Navy, I know. I needed comfort, and I begged God to help me find joy and peace. Just before the tears started to flow, I found the socks, and I picked up a pair to start considering sizing. I noticed something on the socks. Do you see it too? I saw it right away - "Made in Korea". This was the only pair of socks on the rack that said this, and, of course, I bought them. Levi will have to grow into them...but I need them to remain unopened for a while anyway. I'm sure this is one of many, many moments I'm going to need the reminder that God is with us...he is never far from us. We are sure to face more troubles in this journey that we do not yet know.

Isaiah 40:30-31 (New International Version) says: "Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."

I'm headed to bed for some much needed rest. The next couple of days are certain to be full. May God renew YOUR strength this evening in whatever challenges you face.

Is this some kind of joke!!??

2009-01-16T17:49:00.000-08:00

Today was like any ordinary day, as I was mopping the floor...well, actually, that isn't really ordinary for me. But, anyway...I was certainly NOT expecting the phone to ring and I was NOT expecting it to be Cecelia. But the phone DID ring and when I looked at the caller ID, it read "Love the Children." My mind immediately considered that something must be wrong. I didn't believe that it could possibly be a travel call so soon. When I picked it up and it was Beverly, an assistant from the office, I thought it must be a minor paperwork issue. I was HOPING it was minor. Then she said "Cecelia would like to speak with you." Uh-oh. What could this be? "Is something really wrong, I wondered?" Cecelia got on the phone and I asked her how she was doing. "Good," she replied. "I have very good news for you." I had to sit down. "Yes?" I asked. "Your son is coming!" To which I gave the very awesome reply, "Soon?"

The rest of the conversation is pretty much a blur. She told me to get paper and a pencil to write down some info. I grabbed a piece of paper the size of a post it note...? Again, my thinking was not all that clear at the time. I'm writing on my post it note, wishing for more paper, and realizing that I'm not really listening. All I could think of was I do not have socks for him yet. Not an un-solvable problem, and certainly not the only item I'm missing...but it was ALL I could think of!

Cecelia told me that Levi is arriving (keeping in mind of course, that it is never "Levi" that she says, it is "your boy.") on Tues, January 2oth. He is arriving at 4:54 p.m. at JFK airport in New York City. She gave me some further instructions (which I'm still trying to translate from the post it sized note) and told me to call 2 - 3 days after he arrived. I assured her that I would likely be calling sooner with questions. I pointed out to Cecelia that this process went really fast. She agreed, saying that our paperwork went amazingly fast..."You are very lucky." Yes...we are.

I called Steve at work to tell him the big news. He must have said "What?" and "Oh my gosh!" about a million times. I understood. I wouldn't have believed it myself, had I not gotten the phone call. In fact, the rest of the day, every time the phone ring, I was convinced that it was Cecelia calling back to inform me that she made a mistake.

We have FOUR whole days to get ready. Believe it or not, we are very thankful for that. Most people have just a couple. While we have a lot to accomplish in 4 days, we also want to take time to enjoy the last four days before our lives change forever. We have a lot to absorb before he arrives. Today, I stopped for coffee at Starbucks. It was my last day as a "mom of 2 kids in school full time"...at least for a while. I thought I should live it well. It was a good day. No regrets.

I'm including the picture of the cake that our small group brought for us tonight. We've had so much support throughout this process, we are amazed. Thank you all for loving us and celebrating with us!

So, to all our friends and family: We're bringing our son home! To Levi: Hang on baby...we're coming to get ya! Just as soon as we get some socks...

Happy 9 months, Levi!

2009-01-15T19:05:00.000-08:00

Too tired and too cold here in the freezing Northeast to post much except to say "Happy 9 months, Little Man!" We hope you are home to celebrate 10!

Gerrard Family Predictions on Levi's homecoming

2009-01-12T10:34:00.000-08:00

Several nights ago, we pulled out the calendar and we each "guessed" at a date that Levi would come home. Prize for the closest is still TBD.

February 9: Mommy's guess
February 17: Ella's guess
February 20: Daddy's guess
February 25th: Ben's guess

Anyone else want to add their guesses? (Clearly, we are ALL being optimistic here since NONE of guessed in march! :D)

Coming clean...

2009-01-12T08:20:00.000-08:00

So much to share with you! Sorry it's been so long since I've posted. We've had a LOT going on. First, we have battled the stomach bug. Only 2 of us so far - so we're sort of in that "jumpy" phase when anyone so much as burps. We made Ella sleep on a lower bed (she's in the top bunk) last night...you know, just in case.

Speaking of being "jumpy" - This morning, Ben was scratching his head intensely, and just after thinking - "boy, he REALLY needs a haircut", I began wondering what was making him itch so much. I began to pick through his hair. I was certain I spotted a bug, but I couldn't find it again or anything else of concern. Though, I couldn't help but feel paranoid. So, before sending him to school, I took him to the nurse. Thanks to Nurse Gilbert, Ben is at school this morning, with nothing more than an itchy scalp. At least for now.

On the adoption front. We've been told that no news is good news. But no news is NOT easy news! :) We were giving an initial timeframe of 4 - 5 months from paperwork (10/21) to plane. That puts us in the 2/21 - 3/21 range. After jumping on blogs and adoption message boards and seeing others timeframes, I started to have a hunch that we might be at the upper end of that curve. Just a hunch, nothing definitive...but I figured that we are approaching the 1 month out mark and so we are collecting. Thanks to all the many people lending us clothes, beds, carseats, and all kinds of small baby-safe items! We will now graciously accept those things that you have offered. We feel ready to handle the "stuff" and are starting to believe we will actually need it soon. :) We have the crib set up - but it doesn't yet have a mattress, and we don't have ANY diapers or wipes, so we've still got quite a bit to do. :)

I have to admit that I think I did something illegal. Ok, not illegal like "against the law" illegal, but for a rules-follower like me, it was definitely not "official". After reading some adoption boards, and asking a few questions, I stumbled on a phone number that could answer the question if Levi's visa was issued. I debated all weekend on if I should call. Today, just before 9 a.m. I called. I'm feeling VERY guilty about it...but I'm getting over it because in the 45 seconds I was on the phone, I got word that Levi's visa cleared TODAY! Yeah! I feel great about the news, and know that all that is left is the travel plans...but don't really have a clear idea how long those will take. Some people get their travel calls within days, others in a month. But, it looks like the arrival of our son is coming upon us quickly - definitely within the timeframe we've been promised, if not before. I have to go - I have SO much to do!

Christmas 2008 in Photos

2009-01-02T07:15:00.000-08:00

A sad loss

2009-01-01T17:49:00.000-08:00

I will post later about our holidays - which have been fun and busy - but today, we just wanted to share the news that we lost a dear friend, Eugene on Christmas Day. He was only 41 years old. It was very unexpected and we are so sad we didn't get to say goodbye. Ben was just with him 2 days before at the Museum of Science with his brother (our pastor and dad of Ben's very good friend). We shared a special connection with him on many fronts, but we were so excited to introduce Levi to him, since he was part Korean. Just yesterday, I said to Steve - "I think Eugene would have love to have met Levi." When Levi comes home, we will remember Eugene with great fondness as we think about the bond he shares with our son. Meanwhile, we are praying for his family and friends who feel this big void, especially around the holidays.

New photos! Well...new to US at least!

2008-12-18T18:10:00.001-08:00

The good news keeps on coming! We got more photos in the mail today - much to our surprise and delight. We were told that these were the Studio Photos of his 100 day birthday also known as the Baek-il. It once was considered to be a marked occasion that a baby made it to 100 days and is still traditionally celebrated in Korea.

So - this means that while they are not current photos of him - they are "new" to us, so we are delighted! Can't wait to hold this little cutie. (Ella thinks he looks like a "pirate" in the one with the blue and white hat!) :)

Wow.

2008-12-16T20:48:00.000-08:00

That is about all I can say. Today we got a packet in the mail marked "special handling" from USCIS. I expected that we'd get our approval before Christmas, but 3 business days after our prints? All I have to say is "Merry Christmas to us!"

We received:
Notice of Favorable Disposition Concerning Application for Advance Processing of orphan Petition
Notice of Approval of Relative Immigrant Visa Petition for Kim, Jeong Wook
Standard certificate that we hear was wired to Seoul, S. Korea

That means we are DONE with paperwork and all that is left now the final medical exam and for the Korean government to issue a passport and travel visa. It could be anywhere from as soon as 7 or as many as 12 weeks from now that we receive our travel call...only time will tell. I really have NO idea why it takes so long to do those things. But, I do know that Mrs. Kim is counting down the days of her last snuggles with him - and we are counting down the days we get to hold him in our arms forever. As much as we'd like him today, we wish for this time for Mrs. Kim to be very, very sweet.

The hardest part about the process now, is that we won't receive much info until we get that travel call, which comes about 48 hours before Levi will arrive (I know - not much time to prepare!). We'll pick him up at JFK airport in NYC. Many people have asked about our travel plans. We have a temporary arrangement that includes driving with our 2 kids, but I know LOTS of people that change that when they find out the dates & times.

After the holidays, we have LOTS of work to do. We have to assemble the crib, fill in his wardrobe, install the carseat. We'll stay very busy...for a while.

I'm finally headed to bed, but I haven't been sleeping so well lately...I wonder why? :)

A lot to report

2008-12-15T19:15:00.001-08:00

We've had SO much going on in the last few days:

December 11: Fingerprinted in Boston! Yea! Are we EVER glad that it is done electronically! Steve's prints took about 4 tries each finger to get it right! He has such dry skin, the computer rejected the first of many, many tries! On a positive note - I was done in about 5 minutes! :) We are hoping to receive our I-797C soon. In short, this just means that we will be done on this side of the ocean and everything will hopefully be in Seoul before Christmas.

December 12 - 13: Traveled to Glens Falls, NY to go to the opening of a museum that Steve has been working on for that last 2 1/2 years. It was beautiful! I'd post pictures, but Steve downloaded them and deleted them off our camera before I could get them. I'll post soon! We stayed at a hotel with an indoor water park! (Didn't even know these existed before now - how cool!) We loved our time there. We have great memories!

December 14: Ben's 8th birthday! We had such a fun time celebrating. We took cupcakes to church, he opened his presents (K'nex and Lego Indiana Jones) and we had FONDUE (his request) for dinner. His "party" this year is a sleepover with 2 friends on 12/26, so we kept this day for our family. We had so much fun! Thanks for a great idea, Ben. :)

December 15th: Happy 8 months Levi! We hope you are home very, very soon. We'll keep you posted on any news....

Our Christmas Card Photo:

2008-12-15T19:13:00.001-08:00

If you didn't get one and would like one, just email or post a comment! Enjoy!

Fingerprinting and other news

2008-12-06T11:07:00.000-08:00

We received news last week of our fingerprints being rescheduled. This time, for a date we can make - this Thursday, 12/11 at 9:00 a.m. in Boston. I breathed a sigh of relief when we got the date because our family is attending a library opening in Glens Falls, NY on 12/12. It's a big project that Steve's been working on and we are all excited about going - and I was nervous that it would conflict, setting us even farther behind. But no...we got a date we can make! Whew. One step closer!

I went to an adoption "meet and greet" time this past week. It was fun to meet other couples in the process and to talk with other waiting families. It's great to hear their stories about coming home, adjusting and enjoying their children. It helps us SO much. We hope to be a support to other adoptive families as we process through Levi's adoption.

In other news: We decorated our tree. The kids enjoyed it TWICE as much because we didn't put up a tree last year since we were in Bolivia for 3 weeks over the holidays. I love how kids ooo and ahh over every ornament before the put them on the tree. Funny thing is that I remember loving that when I was a kid!!! And Ella tried SO hard to reach the very, very highest she could...There were a few time I thought she might topple the tree over. The kids and I also decorated a gingerbread house to celebrate the start of the advent season. It turned out SO cute! Lest you think I'm crafty - it was a kit from Trader Joe's! :)

We had a really nice time in Philadelphia, PA for Thanksgiving with Steve's brothers. I'm WAY too tired to write more, so I'm just going to post photos. I'll let you know when we have more news!

Longing for Levi

2008-11-19T19:56:00.000-08:00

First, the good news: We were told by our agency that we could send 2 items for Levi. A soft photo album and a lovey. Pictures are attached of the lovey & the front and back of the album. Another praise - our fingerprints have been scheduled! Unfortunately, it was for Nov. 28th - the day after thanksgiving, when we will be away, so we will mail a petition to change the date tomorrow. As you can imagine, a small part of me wanted to cancel our thanksgiving plans to make the appointment, so we can bring our little Levi home sooner - but we know that a the time with our family is precious. You can pray for a speedy rescheduling.

Honestly, if you've never been there, you can't understand. Those of you who are APs or waiting parents with us - I know that you know how hard it is. We've taken turns sleeping with the lovey each night, having sweet dreams of our little Levi. I also mentioned to the kids that when we send it to Korea, it would have a little "scent" of each of us in the lovey, and that might help Levi bond with us. Ella started the sleeping process 2 nights ago. She woke up the next morning, crying, absolutely beside herself. When I asked her why, she said, sobbing... "Because...the blanet...fell...out....of my...bed...and it won't smell....like me..." (picture her SOBBING through this WHOLE thing). We figured out a solution (she is with the lovey now, but I get it before heading to bed :)!!!). But because of this, I realized that there is pain in the waiting for Ben & Ella as well. I don't feel anxious...I just miss having him here with me. I thought the holidays would distract us, but as they get closer, we wish we could be celebrating with him. Each day is precious to us. We are not wasting a minute. But - please pray that God would comfort our hearts. We long for our little Levi.

Grateful...

2008-11-12T19:29:00.000-08:00

I love everyday miracles. We've seen so many of them in our lives, and yet we don't often recognize them as such. Here is one for the record books...

On Monday, I tracked our package to the USINS to make sure it arrived. (You remember...the paperwork that has ALREADY been returned once!!?) When I saw the status, my heart sank. "Out for re-delivery." WHAT?? I remembered Jean mentioning something about checking the little box that says "no signature required", but somehow it never really made it into my brain. People...it's being delivered to a POST OFFICE box. There is NO ONE standing at the post office boxes ready to sign for packages?? I pretty much figured we'd be getting that darn package back in the mail. The status indicated that it would redeliver the package up to 4 times until it got a signature...and then return it to us if it failed. Let's see..mailed on Sat, delivered on Monday...then the holiday... We should be receiving the package on about Fri or Sat only to turn around and redeliver WITH box checked to arrive on Mon. or Tues. next week We lost a whole week..grr...or so I thought...

I logged on Tues to check and see how many additional delivery attempts were made, I saw this message... "Your item was delivered at 11:28 AM on November 10, 2008 in BOSTON, MA 02114. The item was signed for by E S."

Again...WHAT? I'm am not complaining, but HOW did that happen? I'm still scratching my head. When I spoke to Jean about it last night...she just kept remarking "Angie, it was meant to be..." She told me, in her 20 years of doing this, that has n-e-v-e-r happened. "They always come back," she told me. I'm feeling very, very grateful tonight. Hitting road blocks doesn't mean something isn't meant to be." I can't consent that life is going to be handed to us on a platter...but sometimes, we just get a break. Thank you God for this everyday miracle. And thank you E.S. for your signature.

One additional picture. By: Ella

2008-11-08T10:52:00.000-08:00

Ella can't wait for her baby brother.

NEW PHOTOS

2008-11-08T08:35:00.000-08:00

We got a 5 x 7 envelope today from Love the Children! I called everyone into the kitchen and all three additional family members came running! Here are the new photos! We got a total of 12 photos + the report that you see! He sounds to us like a DREAM baby! To do the conversions, he is 16.5 lbs and 25.3 inches. Well done, Levi & Ms. Kim! We are praying for Ms. Kim, Levi's foster mom. We are praying that God would bless her many times over for caring for our sweet little Levi and that He would heal her brokenness when Levi leaves Korea to fulfill our heart's desire - bringing Levi home.

Moving forward...oops, I mean back!

2008-11-07T05:41:00.000-08:00

I was SO excited yesterday morning to find in our mail a package from the USINS (United States Immigration and Naturalization Service)! I couldn't believe how fast they were...or so I thought. I opened the package only to find that it was the entire contents that had been mailed to them with a note saying that we owe them an additional fee. Argh! It was disheartening to say the least. I was burdened with the feelings that we may have just cost ourselves some time in bringing Levi home. So I called our social worker, Jean, who once again, reassured us that we are still on track. She encouraged us to get a cashier's check with the additional funds, and express mail the application back to Boston today. She noted that our documents really only took a little over a week to be reviewed (to see that this error was made) and that - she said was "very" good news. She was also excited to tell me that Levi's documents are IN the states, and are ready to be filed as soon as that paperwork processes. So - it appears that we are still on track...in the words of Jean, we are onto step #2. So, I went to bed feeling more relaxed and dreaming of holding our son. We should have more pictures to share next week. Stay tuned...

What's the latest?? Any News??

2008-11-03T16:51:00.000-08:00

Any word on the baby? What are the next steps? Will you hear more about him soon? When will you hear something?

We get questions like this all the time...and we never get tired of knowing that there are many, many people waiting with us. Problem is...there hasn't been much new, a lot of "nope...nothing new" or "we'll let you know." Mostly, it's hurry up and wait for us. We have all the paperwork in that we should. We should be receiving a letter in the mail soon about having our fingerprints made for the USINS paperwork. But it hasn't arrived yet.

Waiting is hard, but we are confident in this: Levi will be with us the rest of his life. So though 4 months is hard, life is very full. We will be in Philly (home of the World Series champs - congrats!) for Thanksgiving and here (hopefully with my parents) for Christmas and New Years. We have Ben's birthday (12/14) to plan and are already thinking about the Marathon, Levi's and Ella's birthdays in April! And there is all the collecting! I'm REALLY wishing I hadn't given away ALL our baby things! :) I just bought several shirts, 2 pair of pants, and a jacket for Levi today. A couple of them were 2T, so not for right away...but soon enough! Later this evening, Ben called me over to the stairs and tossed a shirt down. "What's this for?" I asked. Ben said "It's for the baby". When I questioned, he said the sleeves were too short, so he thought it was ready to pass on. I thought it was so cute that he's so excited about passing his clothes down to Levi.

Whenever people ask about how many kids I have, I can't pass up the opportunity to say "Three. An almost 8 year old, a 5 year old and we're expecting our 3rd in late Feb or Early March." If I'm feeling particularly ornery, I leave it at that! I ignore the stares at my seemingly un-pregnant belly and act as though I don't notice. :)

We are also anxiously awaiting our director, Cecelia to come back from Korea. We've been told that she'll have updated photos of Levi and a full report. She'll have visited him a couple of time while she's there. About 80% of me can't wait! I can't wait to see and hear about how big he is NOW. But the other 20% of me is sad. Sad that she is seeing him and holding him - and we are still so far away from holding him ourselves. There is already a little part of us that lives in him. We think about him every day. An ancient Chinese proverb talks of “an invisible red thread connects those who are destined to meet. The thread may tangle or stretch but it will never break.” I believe that we were meant to be Levi's forever family. It's complicated to believe this, because I would have never chosen for these to be his roots or for him to have such a difficult history. I mentioned this in an earlier post, but because it rings true....my other two children grew in my womb - Levi is growing in my heart.

We'll post photos as soon as we get them. We promise.

What's up with the "throne"?

2008-10-28T16:51:00.001-07:00

So, this is probably the #1 question I'm getting when I show the pictures of Levi to everyone. I do know that every baby that I've seen from Eastern Social Welfare is shown in this chair for their referral. I suspected that there was a deeper meaning, but I didn't know more than that.

Jean, our social worker called today. She stated with (think frantic sounding voice) "I just got your referral in the mail and I couldn't believe it!" I wasn't exactly sure what she was talking about and as I started to worry, she said "He is SO beautiful. He looks incredibly healthy. Can you believe what a sweet, amazing boy he is? Angie, he's perfect!" Relief set over me. I know Jean says this to every family, but somehow I feel she really means it. Someday, I want her job - calling people and telling them what cute babies they have. I could be good at that. Sorry...moving on.

We took care of business, like getting our I600 filed ASAP (I told you there would be a lot of number/letter combination documents!), and how to record his name. Then I asked her the question about the chair. Does it have a special significance? I have to admit that I expected her to give me some really great answer about some age-old Korean tradition. Nope. She said..."No, there is no significance, other than that all the children who are adopted through Eastern are photographed in that chair. We refer to it as the adoption chair." She went on to tell me that the Love the Children's main office walls are wallpapered in photos of all the children that they've matched in their 30+ years...ALL of them sitting in the adoption chair. She said that much of the warehouse-like space is covered in those photos. It sounds both intriguing and bizarre.

So - that's the deal with the throne. Don't you feel better knowing that?? I sure do. :)

More about our son, Levi.

2008-10-23T21:42:00.000-07:00

We've finally given this little guy a name so that we can call him something besides "this little guy." Introducing....Levi Jeong- Wook Gerrard. We really liked the name Levi, but when I looked it up in the baby book and found that it means "United as one" - we felt it was meant to be. We ARE praying this for our son. We are praying to be united with him as his "forever family."

We were talking about names around the dinner table and we were tossing up a couple of names - one of them being "Levi". An old friend of Steve's called to congratulate us on our new addition, and the kids and I continued with our dinner talk while he was distracted. Ben decided that we should take a vote on names. (He's been learning about elections at school!) Ben and I voted for Levi and Ella voted for the other name, Gabriel. "I know that Daddy would vote for Gabriel." I said. Ella realized that it meant it was tied 2 - 2. She said "If I switch my vote to Levi, that means the baby's name is Levi?? Then I switch it to Levi, 3 - 1, Levi wins!!" While I told the kids that daddy and I would discuss and make the final call, they were already calling him Levi!

Many of you have asked the following questions - and we know there will be many more.

1) Do you know anything about Levi besides his name & stats?
Well, we know that he's very, very cute! :) But fortunately...we do know more. We know his background, both social and medical. We will receive up to date photos and reports in a couple of weeks. We are told that he is a good sleeper (Yeah!), and although we are uncertain about his eating patterns, we know that he has been steadily gaining weight - which is a great sign. We also know that he was born in the city of Incheon, the 3rd largest city in S. Korea. We've attached a map so you can see where it is. His Korean name (Jeong Wook) means "to grow up brightly, firm of character, like the morning sun." We've read all of his development as of months, and it seems to be perfectly on target. On 8/14, at 4 months he weighed a whopping 14 lbs!

2) Do you plan on keeping his Korean heritage?
Yes! In the same way that we embrace our Argentinian heritage, we will embrace our new Korean heritage as well. We are cannot help ourselves, but to learn all about Korea! As we learn about Korea, we learn about our son. Ben & Ella think it's awesome that Korean's show gratitude by burping at the end of the meal! They would like to bring in that part of Levi's culture...but we have overruled them on that one. It has been fun and interesting to explore a new culture, and we are grateful for the opportunity. We are also keeping his Korean name as his middle name. We feel that is important, since it will have been his name for his first 10 - 11 months.

3) Will you travel to Korea to meet Levi?
No. Levi will travel with an escort here to JFK airport in NYC where we will meet him. He will have been traveling for 30+ hours when he gets here, as well as will have a 13 hour time difference (so night is day and day is night). We are thankful that we will be rested and able to give him careful attention those first few days and nights. We will receive a "travel call" about 48 hours before he will arrive. At this time, we expect for our entire family to travel to NYC (with a friend to care for our other kids and take photos), but we know that many people make last minute changes. We are open to changing once we know information. Please pray that this goes as smoothly as possible. We hear from others who have made this trip, that it is a crazy, overwhelming and amazing process.

4) Will Steve take time off of work?
Most definitely. Our biggest challenge those first few weeks will be bonding with Levi. This is no small task, and it will take hard work. We are under strict orders to keep Levi out of crowds and away from visitors for about 2 weeks. Steve or I will need to provide for his needs those 2 weeks so that he begins to trust us as his providers. Steve faces unique challenges, as many Korean children are not used to being cared for by men, so he will have to make extra efforts to spend time bonding with Levi in that precious first week. So - this would be a great time to tell you to PLEASE not be offended if we limit our time with you in those first days and weeks. We understand that there will be a lot of people who want to meet him, and we promise to make him available to you as soon as we can, but we are boldly asking to have the freedom to do what we hope will bring long term benefits.

5) Why adoption from Korea?
Adoption is a personal choice. A calling. Once we started down the road of adopting, we have felt without question, that this is our calling. How we discovered that calling is another blog altogether, but we already cannot imagine life without our little Levi in our hearts, and we know that we will feel that way even more when home with us...

We found Korea quite by accident and we have fallen in love with this adoption program. The babies from Korea live with loving foster families (instead of in orphanages), and they get great medical care. We considered other programs, and kept ruling them out, one by one, either because we didn't meet the age requirements (when I say we - I do mean Steve) :), we couldn't make the travel commitment (for some countries, it was as much as 8 weeks), or the wait times were very long. We found out about Love the Children through a friend of a friend...and we knew right away that we had found the right agency for us.

6)How is your process so short?
We feel very, very blessed. When we started the process, we thought if we had an adopted child in a year, we'd consider ourselves very lucky. But, when we discovered Love the Children, we began to hear that their wait times were much shorter. Feeling that this was "too good to be true", I inquired about it. Love the Children, we realized is more than just an adoption agency. In fact, with it's small staff, it minimal advertising and it's no hassle process, it doesn't seem like an agency at all. They have kept to a minimum their administrative costs for the placement of children so that all possible funds, donations and contributions are directed toward the support of Eastern Child Welfare Center. Eastern Social Welfare Society is in Seoul, and not only places adopted children, but has facilities for expectant mothers, handicapped children and schools with grades kindergarten through high school. Love the children, together with the support of their generous contributors, have been able to aid Eastern in building the Love the Children Hospital and Esther's House (home for unwed mothers) and have also provided supplies, medicines, vans, medical and other equipment. Love the Children, in this way, becomes more of an extension of the Korean agency. Since 1978, Love the Children has placed over 4,000 children from Korea in US homes. We are honored to be one of them.

More to come...

One day of well-wishers - thank you dear friends!

2008-10-22T17:25:00.000-07:00

My precious son - you are but one day in our hearts and your "fan club" awaits. :) You ARE loved by many, my sweet boy and we can't wait to bring you home. Below are just a sampling of the many, many emails we recieved today, in addition to the comments posted - just ONE day after your unveiling! (I tried to include them all - but there were SOO many!) We can hardly wait to share these amazing friends with you. Come home soon...

Oh my goodness! That is such exciting news! We can't to meet him!

Lizzie and Bryan

Congratulations!!!! What a beautiful baby...we look forward to meeting him soon.
love,
Tony and Talia

Oh my, Angie, he is absolutely perfect! Just gorgeous! Congratulations! Can't wait to hear more about your process!
Jackie B.

Dear Angie

I was just talking about you – last night! Unbelievable to hear from you today- and to hear this news. This is such wonderful news- congratulations to all of you.

Susan Solomont

We're rejoicing with you. We are so excited for you and so glad to be a witness to your journey. Love you!
Nicole

Congratulations!!!

He looks like a Gerrard alright :) Melvyn

Congratulations Angie,

I hope all works out for you. You and Steve will be wonderful parents to your second son.

Love,

katie

Crying at his picture, ang. he's beautiful!! oh, i just want you to have him now. i can't imagine how this must be testing your patience and trust.

just beautiful. no other words.
much love, aim

Congratulations! I am so excited for you! I can't wait to follow along your story and hear how things progress. Keep us on the update.

May God continue to bless your family,

Kendra

Oh, my gosh! He is soooo adorable! Now we all have to wait! AAGGGHHH! But it’ll be such joy when he finally does arrive. We are so happy for all of you!

Love,

The Alberts

WOW we are so excited for all of you!! This is so cool! I cant wait to meet the new nephew!!

love,

Penny

Love the pictures and we are so excited for you! (hope you can get the throne)

Bill

angie and steve,
that is AWESOME!!
i'm excited for you!

Katrina M.

Angie, He is so beautiful! I am so happy for you and for your new son. What a blessing you all will be to one another. Love - Annelise

Congratulations! Wow, I'm not normally a crier, but I must admit, my eyes started welling up when I saw his picture. Brings back a lot of great memories. He's very blessed to have you as parents.

Rob

Our prayers will be with you. There is a little man just waiting for your hugs!! Praise God!

love,
Jayne

Dear Angie,

Congratulations! He is so very cute! Phil and I are really thrilled for you all and we can't wait to hear more as the story unfolds. Ben and Ella will be a great big brother and sister for the little guy!

Anne

Hi,

So Happy for your family...Will be praying.

Love,

Carol Ann and Jeff

Wonderful news! Congratulations to you and your family! If there's anything I can do to help, please feel free to ask.

- Barbara Wester

Oh, Ang...

Weeping with joy for you at this happy and expectant time!

God is so good!

Praying.

Hillary

He is SOOOOOOO cute! That throne picture cracks me up! It's precious.

Love it, love it, love it!
Sarah

I am soooo excited for you!

Laura

Right on! Congratulations Gerrards! Ed Fraher

So happy for y'all! Rebecca

CONGRATS ANGIE!!!! Tracy

Congrats, Angie!! so excited for you all! Heather

Congratulations on the news about your baby boy! He's beautiful!! Many prayers to you guys and your little one! Melissa F.

Pictures, pictures, pictures!

2008-10-21T17:03:00.000-07:00

We can't stop looking at the pictures of our beautiful baby! We are rejoicing at this wonderful news and we can't wait to bring him home late Feb/early March. Initial acceptance paperwork was sent back to to LTC today and will be taken to Korea with Cecelia...it's official! Please pray that all our next steps go smoothly. Picture # 1 is at 2 months, and picture #2 is 4 months. We'll hopefully have more in a couple of weeks! Oh, and many have asked if we will change his name. We will, but we we'll keep part of his Korean name as well. We'll update the blog soon.

Are you ready to be a Gerrard, little man???

2008-10-20T19:01:00.000-07:00

I talked to Jean (our social worker) over the weekend and she indicated that we might hear something early this week, or not until Cecilia (director of LTC) got back from Korea (about 2 weeks). I thought to myself..."OK, I can wait 2 weeks." I mean, what are the CHANCES she's calling before she leave on Thurs?

WE GOT THE CALL! We have a boy! Kim, Jeong Wook (meaning straight and son in the morning) was born on 4/15/08 - 6 lbs, at 39 weeks. He has very little hair and Cecilia kept telling me "You won't believe it - I kept looking at he and Ben together and they look like brothers?" THAT one made me cry. She said it's the shape of his face. Brothers? Wow...brothers. He is one day shy of ELLA'S birthday.

He's growing like a weed! On 8/14 (last recorded medicals - we'll be getting more in the next couple of weeks), he was 14.3 lbs and 23.3 inches. He is in great health. We told the kids when we were all together. They are SO excited. I've been most sensitive to Ella - since she is loosing her "baby of the family" status. We were talking about it - and I asked her more and mentioned that she would be the only girl. "The princess" I said. "No, queen." she replied. She is probably right. ;)

More tomorrow...

We're approved!! Now what?

2008-10-15T18:32:00.000-07:00

So we are officially approved to adopt, as of 10/9. (We didn't even need the final visit!) Jean told us that we should expect that our home study would be sent to Korea this week or next and then we'll get a referral. The referral will be the information about our son or daughter which will tell us gender, medical information and background and everything else they can document.

So - we are officially "waiting". We know that our agency Love the Children, is known for their short wait times, which is thrilling for us. However, I have to admit that I didn't picture that the waiting would be this difficult. Every day feels a little like an eternity. Once you know there is a baby out there, somewhere, that is born and will be with you forever, you can't help but want to hold that baby in your arms. We know our child is loved by their foster mom, but we just can't wait to welcome him/her home. We hope to share very good news with you soon...

Meanwhile, the kids did a great mural on our playroom door. We love everything about it except the nauseating smell of tempera paint that it left behind! :) Take a look!

Where we've come from and where we are headed...

2008-09-27T10:09:00.000-07:00

Well, if you had any doubt that Steve and I loved each other, we now EACH of 4 - 6 page autobiographies to prove that we do! :) Here is a timeline of our process...not because you care so much, but because I want our son or daughter to be able to read the intimate details from the time we first learned that God was blessing us with a third child. You may read them too - if you'd like. :)

Sometime in the last 9 years up until 9/8/2008: we decide we want to adopt. More specifically in August and September, we did some checking around and saw that Korea seems like the right place for us. Our hearts were drawn to the Asian cultures, more specifically to China, but for various reasons, we decided not to pursue China, and instead - discovered Korea. We are THRILLED about this.
9/8: Called Love the Children Adoption agency for an application
9/11: Application arrived. We got right to work on the "list" of items they need and spent the weekend writing our life stories...really.
9/18: LTC confirmed that they received the application. I talked to the Social worker (Jean) who is a godsend, and she answered all of my many, many questions
9/26: We scheduled our home study appointment (after a return phone call because I'm schedule impaired)...and finally...
10/7, 10/9 & 10/14: Our home study.
From here on out: We estimate that we will have a referral by mid-November and have a baby HOME in the spring of 2009.

And then there were 3....

2008-09-14T15:50:00.000-07:00

We should probably update you on our lives. It's been a while since I've updated this blog, but I assure you, we've been quite busy. So busy, in fact, that we've decided to make a major change in our family. We are adopting. Or at least that is our heart's desire. Our family is very excited about this. We are communicating with Love the Children in Quakertown, PA. This organization does a lot for Korean ophans and we are thrilled to be working with such a fantastic organization. So, yes, this does mean we are pursuing a Korean adoption. Right now we are working on TONS of paperwork. At first I was amazed by the paperwork, but let's face it - you are applying for a child...it should be extensive. Steve and I have spent the weekend writing our 4 - 6 page autobiography and they are in pretty good shape. We are collecting tax returns, birth certifacates, marriage liscences and lots of legal documents that contain the combination of letter and numbers that we don't yet understand. We'll keep you posted on this blog about the process. We expect that we'll be welcoming our child home in the nexy 6 - 9 months, so I'm sure a lot will be happening. Our child will arrive home when he or she is 6 - 12 months old. Of course, as in any adoption process, any of these things can change quickly....

We can't wait to share this journey with you! Stay tuned...

20 miles, and Still a Long Way to Go

2008-05-05T12:28:00.000-07:00

I'm finally dried out from the walk for Hunger yesterday. Actually, today, when I pulled money out of my bag to pay for Ella's Dr.'s visit, I had to apologize that it was wet - so not TOTALLY dry :). But, I'm more grateful for a hot shower, warm food, and a good nights sleep than I ever thought I could be.

Walking 20 miles is tough. But when it starts pouring (and I do mean POURING) at mile 5, you begin reviewing the mass transit map in your head to see if the next stop might get you safely back to your warm, dry car. However, there are signs, volunteers, police staff and supporters at every mile and at every intersection, reminding you that you are walking for an incredible cause. And we certainly had plenty of company. While it's hard to believe that exchanging my comfortable, dry, pain-free life for the sogginess I was enduring could bring help to many who are hungry...we pressed on for that reason. The group of 5 of us who started that morning all finished. And there were many, many more who were doing the same.

At the end of the 20 miles, I ran ahead a little bit (quite by accident) and found myself being asked for money by a man who was likely homeless, but certainly in need. (Ironic, isn't it??) He asked me for some spare change. I didn't have any to give him and I found myself pulling away as I said "I don't have any change." Which was very, very true. "Why not?" he asked me. I didn't have an answer for him. I thought to myself - "I'm still learning about what it's like to be you. What it's like to love someone who's needs are so complex. I'm still learning about how someone like me can help someone like you."

A couple of months ago, when the Boston Rescue Mission invited us to come down and see their program, I honestly dreaded the thought of having to give up my "precious" time. All I could think of was the hassle...and it didn't end up being easy. The childcare fell through, the parking cost a lot, and it took much longer to get there than we anticipated. When I mentioned to Steve that I sort of pictured that we'd just do the benefit and that would be the end of it - he said "You mean, you want to pay your dues and earn a little money so that you can feel good about yourself, and then be done?" Ugh...yep, that's what I wanted. I wish I could tell you I had an instantaneous heart-change, but it's more work that that. But I can honestly say that God is working in my heart - As I think about the next steps, little by little, I'm gaining the desire to really be involved in the process...to be engaged with the PEOPLE that these program benefit. To learn how to love people in need just as Jesus did. Project Bread and the Boston Rescue Mission have made huge strides in changing my mind about the poor, but only God can change my heart. And I believe in time, He will. Someday I will be able to look at that man asking for spare change and see what God sees. I really can't wait for that day.

Today, I'm feeling grateful. Grateful for a body healthy enough to go the distance. Grateful for support from all of you across the country for this crazy adventure. Grateful for friends who would walk anywhere with me (even 20 miles in the pouring rain!!!). And grateful that my pain and discomfort were temporary...for I know that others, it is not. May the miles I've tread penetrate my heart for changing hunger and homelessness in my community...

Tales of a Broken Thermos

2008-04-27T20:12:00.000-07:00

For those of you who got the short version of this this morning (yes - that WAS the short version!!), here's the full story.

It all started because I thought I needed a "real" sugar and creamer set for the marathon party Benefit I was hosting last Monday. It was a party for roughly 100 of my closest friends. :) And if you read my former post about my hermit-like nature, you'll know that this is certainly said tongue-in-cheek. Back to the creamer set...I don't own one. And I saw this as a good excuse to make the "investment". As I was browsing the creamer & sugar set isle of my local Home Goods, I quickly determined that I didn't need a creamer & sugar set for this party. I have a 55 cup coffeemaker cranking out coffee. A creamer pitcher ready to accommodate a generous, say, 5 cups of coffee would have to be refilled about 10 times during the party. I recalled having just gotten my cup o' brew at the local, ahem, gas station and they had that thermos with the lever that pops up on top, dispensing half & half. I think to myself - I need one of those! Push that lever and it dispenses the perfect amount of steaming (or cold) beverage into the cup. I run over to Target to find this nifty device. The package says that it will keep my creamer cold for 24 hours. Yipee! I took my thermos home and dreamed of all the ways I'll put this amazing purchase to use. I carefully pulled it out of the corrugated box. I popped up the lever on the top and watched with amazement. I wondered how someone could invent such an ingenious product. I began unscrew the top to this mysterious contraption, only to find that the "insulated glass interior lining" was crushed into a million pieces. To be frank, I was disappointed. So - I did what any respectable adult does when faced with this kind of adversity. I sat down and cried like a baby. If my kids had been watching me at that very moment, they would have suggested something like "Mom, just return it to the store...they'll give you a new one!" I know this, so I realize that this cry was for more than a broken thermos. When I opened that thermos, I realized that it looked like me on the inside. I had been burning the candle at both ends and within the safe package of "busy-ness" I appeared to be flawless. You see - I do and accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. And I truly feel okay for a while. Then, all of the sudden...as if out of nowhere...it hits me. I feel overwhelmed. I feel hopeless and despairing. I feel like I want to go to bed and not wake up until my "crisis" is over. I'm wondering why I seem to be taking care of everyone else and "no one" is taking care of me. I'm in a bad place. What's funny about me is that I have the ability to take a lot. But when I hit the lows...they are usually very, very low. And to be honest, my meltdowns can be quite a bit unpredictable, which drives my family crazy. Clearly, this is not ideal for me either.

As I amazingly cried over a broken thermos, my tears evolved to crying over my broken heart. Those words, "Mommy...you can just return it," kept ringing in my head. And so, with all my pieces in hand, I opened the Word of God and I read. I gave him my broken pieces and asked if I could exchange it for a new, unbroken Spirit. As I searched for joy in the pages I found hope in the midst of despair. I read these words from 2 Corinthians 9:12-15 "The service that you perform is not only supplying the needs of God's people but is also overflowing in many expressions of thanks to God. Because of the service by which you have proved yourselves, men will praise God for the obedience that accompanies your confession of the gospel of Christ, and for your generosity in sharing with them and with everyone else. And in their prayers for you their hearts will go out to you, because of the surpassing grace God has given you. Thanks be to God for his indescribable gift!" Little by little throughout that night and into the next day, I could feel the strength to pursue the tasks ahead of me.

Looking back, I can't believe that I didn't give that thermos a shake on the way to the checkout and hear all those broken pieces tumbling around inside. I don't know how God works in these things, but maybe He closed my ears to hearing those shattered pieces because he had something to say to my heart. I'm grateful for the lesson that God taught me. I'm happy to report that both the thermos and my heart were returned and replaced for new, unbroken versions. And the benefit was a huge success. As an ending "lesson learned" side note...if you ever find yourself wondering if you need a large thermos of half & half for 55 cups of coffee - You don't. It's a little overkill! :)

She had a dream...

2008-04-18T16:45:00.000-07:00

My 5 year old is a typically developing child in most area. She's not a virtuoso singer, or has giftedness in athletics that we can see at the moment. But she does have one trait that stands out - her sense of humor. She's funnier than most adults I know. Combine that with the filters of a 5 year old and you get conversations like this one I had with her today...to the best of my recollection.

Setting: The car
Who: Just my daughter and I
Conversation starter: My daughter burped.

"Excuse you." I said.

She burped a second time and excused herself. "Mom!" she said. "I burped twice in this place. Did you know I dreamed of doing that!"

"What honey?" I asked, now becoming more interested in the conversation. I'm wondering if I heard her correctly.

"I always wanted to burp in this place. Two times. It's my dream."

"Really? On the bridge?" I asked wondering what "this place" was referring to...not that it mattered much.

"Yep. And now I did it" she says, quite pleased with herself.

I honestly can't believe we are having this conversation, and I'm truly enjoying it. "Honey, I'm glad you accomplished a dream. And I very glad to have been present when you attained this mark-ed moment."

"Mommy?"

"Yes honey?"

"Did you have a dream of burping two times on the bridge too?"

"No honey, I have not had that dream."

"You should mommy."

"Okay honey, I'll think about it."

Has anyone seen the tooth fairy?

2008-03-19T12:18:00.000-07:00

Last Sunday my 7 year old son lost his tooth! It wasn't his first lost tooth, but it was his first upper FRONT tooth, so he has officially begun that 5 - 7 year period lovingly known as the "awkward years." Now, being his mother, I think the missing front tooth is absolutely adorable, but if my son is anything like me, he'll look back at photographs of himself at this period of time and just shake his head. Truth is, he might be looking at the rest of our family and shaking his head too - who knows?

Anyway - the lost tooth. At our house we're careful not to play up Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny. Although we haven't been dwelling on their "un-realness", we try to capture the true meaning of the holidays instead of these traditions. HOWEVER, the tooth fairy is part of my kids lives and she is real, living, takes used teeth and leaves money in it's place. She is little and flys and somehow enters into our house summer or winter. I don't know why they are so convinced that the tooth fairy is real, or why we perpetuate this myth, but it's what happens, and we all play along. So, Sunday was a big day! Another tooth, another $1 in the piggy bank. (I know, inflation has hit since MY tooth fairy came too!) This is a monumental event in my child's life - probably the highlight of his week. I kept reminding myself throughout the day that the tooth fairy needed to "visit" that night. And guess what? Yep, I forgot.

I'm taking a shower on Monday morning, when I hear knock on the bathroom door. "Who is it?" I ask. My son yells his name, and immediately I remember what I have not done. "Come in!" I say, feeling all the guilt you can possibly feel standing in the shower. "Mommy, I found my tooth box with my tooth inside and there's no money." I am in the shower, and I can HEAR the distress my child is feeling. So, I say to him..."Let me finish my shower and dry off, and then I'll help you out." I mean, come on, what was I supposed to do while I'm halfway through rinsing out my hair? Plus, I need time to make a plan. I can either:

a) Explain that the tooth fairy had a former commitment and that she'll come tonight.
b) Somehow sneak the $1 into the bed and convince my son that he had missed it.
c) Come clean. Not shower clean. Confession Clean.

I'm mulling over my choices in the shower when I realize that all of our money is downstairs, so option b, which I was leaning towards, is no longer an option. Sadly, option c never really crosses my mind as a REAL option because I don't feel like explaining such in-depth matters to a 5 & 7 year old at 7 a.m. Plus, I LIKE the tooth fairy. So, I finish showering, dry off and escape to my room. I'm still trying to figure out exactly HOW I have some kind of knowledge of the tooth fairies whereabouts when I see it. I see the answer to my dilemma. Praise God! My husband had left a crisp dollar bill on the dresser that night, after emptying the contents of his pockets. Option B might work after all. I get dressed, stuff the bill into my pocket and head to my son's room.

"Let me take a look here - are you sure you didn't miss it?" He's pretty sure, but has also noticed that his tooth box is broken. It wasn't that way BEFORE he went to bed. Hmm...When I asked where he found it, he said on the floor. I thought maybe the tooth fairy had a struggle? He's thinking about it and coming up with a few ideas of his own. PERFECT! Now I just have to get the bill into the bed without him seeing it. I haven't actually climbed into the top bunk of a bed for a while - which is where my son sleeps, but in order to pull this off I knew that I was going to have to root around. As I'm doing this, my son says "Mommy - I think you are too heavy to go up there." I didn't say what I was thinking (you know something to the tune of...Kid, if you want this $1, you'd better can it!). Instead, I just replied "Honey, it's ok - it's just for a moment." I spend a few seconds reaching into the cracks and crevices of the bed (After all, I want it to seem real) when I finally slip the dollar under his stuffed webkinz penguin sitting on the side of the bed. I tell him I've found it and too look under the penguin. He switches places with me, finds the dollar and his faith in the tooth fairy is restored. AND she is quite clever for hiding the $1 under the penguin! I only feel a little bad about passing blame off to Penguino. :) Someday, when my kids have children of their own, I'll tell them this story. For now, I'm the hero - and I kind of like it.

Hell, yes!

2008-03-10T19:07:00.000-07:00

The other day at dinner, we were wrapping up and my energetic husband who can't sit still begins leafing through his mail. Apparently the stories of puppet shows, lunch menus and book reports were not interesting enough for him! Ahem, moving on...

Anyway, he picks up the latest copy of Architectural Record that had arrived for him that day and starts flipping through. If you are not familiar with the magazine, its a magazine of buildings. Lots and lots of them...with the occasional interview of an architect therorizing about buildings. Let's just say, it's not something that I thought I would need to screen for my kids. But -this particular day Steve was reading some article and my 7 year old son looks over his shoulder. "Daddy" he asks, "What does that say? - Hell, yes?" he says, proud and confident that he can finally read.

"WHAT?" I scream across the table. "What are you reading?" He shows me this building photo and on the front is a piece of big, bright sculptural art that says "Hell, yes!". While it's not really funny, my husband and I burst into laughter because we can't believe what is happening! My husband then begins attempts to explain the concept of "bad" words to my confused son...who at this point wishes he'd never learned to read in the first place. And if it's so bad, why are mommy and daddy laughing hysterically? We don't know, and we can't stop.

Later that evening, my husband wonders aloud if it's too much to ask to drive him to the train station for his early meeting tomorrow. Are you kidding? At 7:00 a.m., with two kids getting ready for school? I barely got the words out before he started laughing..."Hell, yes!"

A little time off brings a lot of learning.

2008-03-09T18:44:00.000-07:00

I don't like uncertainty, and I don't like change. I never have and I have to fight the urge to control things every day. And yes, that DOES make me a control freak. Well, not a "freak" exactly, because I hide it well. I PRETEND that I don't mind if the service repair man will come anywhere between 9 and 4:30, but I'd really like to schedule an actual TIME that he can come. But these are the ways of the world and like it or not, I have to adapt to it.

Can you even imagine how much this affects how I relate to God? If you're like me, all too well! I like certainty. I like stability. Sometimes, that's not what God chooses for me. Recently, I took a sabbatical from my volunteer ministry to regroup. I assured people before I left that I wasn't going under or "burning out", but if I'd been really honest with myself, I wasn't sure I was coming back.

About 3 weeks ago when I was praying with some friends they asked about my recent sabbatical. I told them: "God has given me two messages while on sabbatical. 1) Live in
the moment (today) and don't borrow trouble and 2) STOP COMPLAINING." God's words were direct and powerful. It became clear to me that if I obeyed, there would be freedom. If I didn't, ministry would be over for me.

When it comes to complaining, I have huge obsticles to overcome. I have embraced this sin, feeling that it's my "right" to complain when I feel that there's injustice. I'd manufactured
this grid that, over time, wouldn't let me see anything good about ministry. I would clean up from the program on Sunday and feel depressed that there was no hope for our church. But God has so much more for me, and for Beacon, and for the Lighthouse. Some dear friends reminded me that so much good has come from the work that's been done...and I realized that God is not
confined by our weakness (in fact - isn't he made perfect in it!!?).

These last 2 weeks, for the first time in a LONG time, I've allowed God to give me the freedom he's always offered and it's been WONDERFUL!!!! I now know what I was missing, and I don't want to go back. Now that I don't let myself gripe and complain about what's NOT there, I see a lot of things that are. I know there's a lot of work ahead. But, I'm over the top
that God has chosen to redeem me...I wasn't honestly sure that it was
going to happen, or that it COULD happen.

To add another twist to the story - Every day for me is about living in t-o-d-a-y. It's about keeping your head in the game and not thinking about whats next. Word came to me last week that someone has anonomously donated money as a salary for the minstry that I do. It's taken a whole week to sink in. I'm on my knees in praise and humility. God is in control and I HAVE to stop believing that I own my future. It's times like these that I realize I wouldn't want to be in control even if I could. I'm elated of course about the possibility of being able to be undivided in the time I devote to ministry, but also realize that there are challenges with it. But I love even more that God was patient with me to find the right answer, before I found the "fix". I had been pining before taking this sabatical about what I might do when I have to choose between ministry and paid work. This choice is coming up in several months. The "fix" of stability and certainty through being paid for the ministry I do could have carried me for a while, but God knew that my time "off" held answers that would sustain me for eternity.

I love what I do. I've found my calling. I'm filled to the brim. And I believe that growing children up in real relationship with Jesus Christ is worth sticking around for.

Visiting churches...

2008-03-02T19:43:00.000-08:00

So, I haven't had a chance to share this story very much, but it's worth a go...

I decided that while I was on Sabbatical, it would be wise for me to visit a church in a prominent location in our town to see if we'd have potential for connection. In reality, we are very much in need of space, and their location was absolutely a dream for us. I'd heard the stories of this church. It was rumored that with the exception of 1 or 2 people, everyone there would be 30 years my senior. I packed up my 2 children, donned my nicest church-going clothing (we're a much more casual church), and warmed up my hymn singing voice as I got ready to go. About 3 minutes before I exited the door, I got cold feet. I'm sure you can tell that I coerced myself into going or this would be the boringist blog ever. But I promise...I went, and it's good.

So, I arrived at the church at 9:40 a.m. with the service to start at 9:45. Now, let me explain something to you. At my church we are very late and very loud. 50% of our congregation is kids, so you can imagine how that affects both of those things. I arrived 5 minutes early, and I thought I might be the first because I didn't hear anyone, but I realized that it was one of those quiet churches. The kind that make you wish you hadn't worn corduroys. Anyway...

I am keenly aware that there is no one my age there, and there are no children except my darling little angels. Turns out the people at church notice this too. As soon as I arrive, I notice lots of stares. But, I am prepared for this, so I keep walking. I have to admit, that I KIND of thought they'd be thrilled to see me. And yes, I am THAT vain. I thought they'd jump for joy over this young woman with two beautiful kids who wanted to worship with them. I thought it would bring out their "inner-grandparent" instincts. But they weren't and it didn't. Many of these people were VERY aged. Some were in need of physical assistance, some had breathing apparatuses, and quite a few had enlarged hymn handouts that they needed because they couldn't read the 12 point text of the hymnal. I was not prepared for that reality. I thought it would be a group of 50 grandmas and grandpas ready to eat my kids alive - Turns out that most of them weren't the kid-loving type. At least my kids weren't bombarded with hugs and kisses. There's a silver lining.

The other thing that I was very confused by, is that there were people only sitting on one side of the church. Not wanting to impose my young family on some unsuspecting bystander, I chose to sit on the vacant side. Plus, I thought there were probably more people coming anyway, since I was a WHOLE 5 minutes early! I promptly picked seats on the other side of the church. As the service begins, I realized that while we are clearly set apart in age, we are also literally set apart in the sanctuary. Hmm... About midway through the service - at the fellowship time - I'm told by the pastor that they use space heaters to heat only half the sanctuary since much of their congregation is "older" and feels the sanctuary is too cold. She gives me the option to move or to stay. Being that I've settled in 2 children with our coats, belongings and bag of tricks, I opt to stay. Besides, by this time, I kind of like having 1/2 the church to myself.

The service begins. My kids have come prepared with a bag of activities to help entertain them. My daughter is coloring her fairy book and my son begins to color his velvet art. As he starts I hear "squeak, squeak, squeak" as the marker brushes against the cardboard. I look at him and he looks at me. As a very perceptive 7 year old, he knows that this sound is making a lot of noise for this "quiet" church and he wants my guidance. I look at him, shrug, and nod for him to keep coloring. "Squeak, squeak, squeak" he continues. At this point, I'm having a hard time containing the laughter. As my 4 year old daughter leans over to whisper something to me I am simultaneously realizing that I've never actually successfully taught her how to whisper. "Mommy? My underwear is bothering me." At this point, I'm hurting as I hold back the laughter. If you go there, you can remind them that I'm the smiley mom with the loud kids.

All in all, I have to say that my kids were AMAZING. I rewarded them with Wendy's of course! I couldn't help but think - we are a fairly quiet, reserved family- And we felt SO conspicuous! It would be interesting to see a non-quiet family darken those doors. I wonder if they'd stay?

Being fair, the service had it's moments. And I did talk to the pastor at the end. I made the connection, she apologized about not having a children's ministry. She said she could refer me to churches that do. I told her I lead a children's ministry and would be glad to be refereed by her to other families that come. She gave me a kind smile, but she didn't ask me for my name.

Well...I tried. I walked out my front door and into the church. It wasn't walking on the moon, but for me it was a big step towards both connection and breaking down the walls that divide churches. After all, we're all on the same team, right? Who knows what God will do. Maybe it just makes for a good story...

In the beginning...

2008-02-26T22:58:00.000-08:00

I know you're probably wondering why I chose the title "Natural Brick". Or maybe you don't care. Either way, here's the story. When my sister was in college, she was in a band called Natural Brick. I thought it was a great name for a band and it stuck. To be honest, the name has far outlasted any song I remember them playing. However, if you knew my sister now, you'd find it hard to believe she could ever have played in a rock band. I find it funny. A great name for a band that no longer exists, staring my sister who no longer seems like the type to be in a band. Hmm...

Today, I took my daughter to her Kindergarten screening. We started by sitting down with the school psychologist who asked a few simple questions of my daughter. Now, to be fair, my daughter HATES to be put on the spot on most days, but today she was painfully shy. At each question, I was resisting being the hovering-mother by answering the questions for her. And the school pschologist would not be considered chatty under any circumstances...so you can imagine this scene. "What do you like to do in preschool?" he asked. And no answer is given. My daughter puts on the thinking face. So we waited...and waited...and waited. A full minute must have gone by. Which is a LONG time under the circumstances. Finally, my daughter says in a voice that was barely audible: "choice time." CHOICE TIME? How about puzzles or games or dolls? Something that didn't lead to another question!!! As I was wondering if I should ask her to repeat it louder, the psychologist asks the anticipated "What do you do in choice time?" Oh good grief. This scenario repeats itself a few painful times before we were finally released.

Upon reflecting on this time, I realize that because I'm all grown up, I've learned to answer questions that are asked of me. She will someday too. But we are both scared. We are both on the verge of starting a new chapter of life. She will be entering school, which she has only heard about from her big brother. But it is a new adventure. And I now have to share BOTH of my children with the school system. It's something I'm both anticipating and dreading. I imagine she feels the same way. I'm just better at hiding it. Now - would you like to know what I like to do while my daughter is in preschool?? :)